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Emmys 2017
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Dancing with the Stars recap: Hips Don't Win

Wayne Newton and Mark Cuban got more votes than the pelvically gifted Albert Reed

Posted on

Craig Sjodin

Dancing With the Stars

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Tom Bergeron, Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman, Erin Andrews, Julianne Hough
Current Status:
In Season

”Dancing With the Stars”: More silliness

We are so silly, TV Watchers. We assumed that Wayne Newton, who very much cannot dance, would be gently asked in his good ear to leave last night. Or maybe Mark Cuban, the rich guy who is also not good at dancing, and an annoying mouther of lyrics. What a ridiculous assumption! So silly! And you may be familiar with my number-one rule: There will be no silliness. I’m very disappointed in all of us.

Lest we forget, Dancing With the Stars is purely a popularity contest — just a rather odd one in which the prettiest specimens are the biggest losers. You know how people take on a derisive tone and say, ”That’s so high school,” when you make catty remarks just for the hell of it? Dancing With the Stars is so not high school. So it does have that going for it. Hey, do you like how I’ve already cranked out two paragraphs about a show in which practically nothing other than three fabulous pro dances happened? Me too.

So goodbye, Albert Reed, and goodbye Albert Reed’s hips, perfectly adequate dance moves and chiseled face.

I already miss Anna.

Jane Seymour’s mom passed away late on Monday, so she missed results night. Tom declared Jane and Tony the first safe couple of the night, and Jane plans to continue in the competition to honor her mother, a longtime fan of the show. In his most graceful move yet this season, Wayne Newton delivered a short blessing from the cast and crew. Of course, no one seemed surprised that Jane was safe. Mark Cuban? Different story.

Queen Latifah sang two songs, including her take on ”California Dreamin’.” She fit right into the scene with her preexisting love of sequins. I wouldn’t mind her replacing the entire Harold Wheeler Orchestra, though. Can you imagine if it was always just the Queen up there, grinning away? In sequins! Oh, and speaking of royalty, the Count from Sesame Street showed up on that horrible Jimmy Kimmel segment. (Kimmel is apparently back for season 5.) I was so happy to see the Count on my big-ass TV instead of on YouTube, where I constantly watch him in classic American clips, and also this one, in which he counts in Dutch while waltzing!

Make sure you click on that link!

To read a much more in-depth analysis of this week in DWTS, check out the TV Watch on performance night. And even though it might be too early to do this, we have ranked the top 10 dancers left in the mad dash for the disco ball.

What do you think? Were you shocked by last night’s elimination? Should Julianne tone down the backstage gloating only two weeks in? And which pair are you most excited to see not fall next week? (Hint: One half of the pair is Jennie.)