”Dancing With the Stars” recap: Quality matters
Awww. Poor us. Cameron Mathison will not be dancing in a thong during the season 5 semifinals. It’s a shame, because after he went commando under tight khakis for Monday night’s jungle boogie, a thong was really the All My Children star’s only reasonable next step. Instead, I hope he will at least replace Donny Osmond as the man who gets to stand in the front row and cry after Marie Osmond dances. It’d be so (form-) fitting.
No one on set seemed that shocked when Tom called Cameron’s name to go home, least of all Superman himself. In fact, the whole final segment was downright pleasant! Cameron said like 17 nice things, Samantha finally released the Edtya cap on her precious microphone, and the farewells weren’t harshly cut off for time the way they usually are. Which was great, because the more times I get to replay extended footage of Maks mussing up Cameron’s hair on Cameron’s way down the stairs (because he couldn’t reach through the sea of arms to offer a friendly shoulder slap), the better. FYI, that’s at 0:59:23. Worth a rewind!
It’s so cute that the final 10 pawns seemed to genuinely enjoy each other’s company almost as much as Jennie Garth relishes the ”exciting” nature of Tuesday-night results shows. Tom acted surprised when she said that, but I totally get where she’s coming from. Hair, makeup, unlimited bottled water, and no expectation of athleticism whatsoever? That’s my kind of night! Scared Spice, however, would disagree. I haven’t seen Mel. B. so distressed since that moment at the beginning of Spice World when she cahhhn’t find her boots on the tour bus. Fear works on Mel, though, and the more invested in the competition she appears to voters, the better.
Gloria Estefan saved the rest of last night’s otherwise bogged-down-by-filler hour with two thoroughly engaging performances. For the second, ”Conga,” we got to see God’s gift to Len, Julianne, partner Marky Mark in a spangly metallic blur. Maks and Kym, who sported either a new cropped ‘do or a very sturdy wig, rocked as well. Good thing, because choreographer Fatima Robinson’s performance played out like a slowed-down music-video rehearsal. It probably underwhelmed because they made such a big deal of how the prolific choreographer — who’s done tons of music videos and films like Shall We Dance and Dreamgirls — hadn’t danced on camera for six years. So why the comeback performance here and now? Oh, Macy’s.
I liked the segment on the different strengths of the pros — anything focusing on them is a welcome addition. The less crotchety than usual DANCMSTR summed everyone up: Maks has charisma, Julianne’s someone special, Jonathan’s a gentle partner, Edyta’s hot, and Derek’s as fresh and shiny as a brand-new Macy’s gift card. What the dancers had to say about each other, though, was actually more interesting to me. And while there’s definitely some truth to how Len characterized Julianne — ”the catalyst that’s sparked all the professionals to up the standard on Dancing With the Stars” — I’m sure many fans would just as easily attribute that trend to some other worthy partners (Cheryl in season 2, Kym in season 3) as well. I guess he was referring only to seasons 4 and 5, but the comment likely still stung for the other hardworking pros.
What the hell was that segment wherein we had to listen to Tony Robbins (a ”results coach”) and Dr. Michael Beckwith (”featured in The Secret”)? You know they’ve never watched this show. The whole time they yapped, I desired incredibly hard for them to shut up and be replaced by The O.C.‘s Sandy Cohen, who is now a law professor and therefore just as qualified as these clowns to use the producers’ cue cards to lecture us on why Helio should win the competition. By the ”Law of Attraction,” Sandy should have come to me. But no dice. This Secret is bogus!
Okay, no need to ramble any further. I’m out like Cameron’s pecs during a Viennese waltz. Are you happy he was the one to go home? Does it annoy you when the judges play favorites? And is Marie set to win this whole thing without necessarily trying?