After Week 4 of season 10 of ABC’s Dancing With the Stars, Aiden Turner, former All My Children actor and a smash-hit on one moderately populated cruise ship, was voted out of the competition. He was FOILED! by his partner, you might say, if only because half of her body (generous estimate) happened to be draped in crinkled aluminum. Aiden, whom DANCMSTR Len Goodman referred to as his son because both of them are British, will be remembered best for his pixelated puke in Week 3, saying it with flowers, and playing an eye-patched card shark villain in the coming-soon 007-inspired film Dance Another Day.
During Aiden’s farewell interview, Brooke revisited what might have been his ”Sweetest Taboo”: the way he views Edyta as his mom. And there was his real mom, in the audience. She was bawling! Instead of going the supremely lame ”ewww, gross, moms aren’t supposed to be thought of as sexy, especially my mom” route, Aiden kept it classy: Edyta, too, is a ”really attractive lady,” ”very talented,” and has been ”doing it ever since she was a very young girl.”
Kate Gosselin and Niecy Nash were the last two Stars announced as safe — but Tom then said Niecy and Aiden were ”not necessarily the bottom two.” Tom, you scamp!
Meanwhile, Maks’ childhood photos delivered the best performance of Tuesday night. The ones of him in elementary school plays in particular exhibited what DANCMSTR would call ”beautiful lines,” even though Maks probably didn’t have a speaking role because he was such a terrible actor at 4 years old and had to play ”a mushroom or a tree.” Young Damian used to rock a Louie Vito-esque low ponytail (and so did Maks and Louis, but we DWTS lifers already knew that). We saw Anna at 7, Lady Leg Warmer at 12, ballroom pugilist Tony at 25, and ample footage of the ”Ballas Brat Pack” over the years. Everyone else hated them because they kept winning. Those three and their hats. Derek referred to Julianne as ”my sister” — is the show just flat-out refusing to say her name now?
The series of Our Pros: The Early Years photos served as a setup to a performance by young, still-competitive dancers — including DWTS Ballroom Kids winners Brandon and Brittany. You know I love the Harold Wheeler Ensemble for their spontaneity, amusement, and general liiiiiiiiiiiiive feel, but I’ll be honest — the pre-recorded track used for the whip-fast teenagers struck me as quite a relief.
I was just kidding earlier — the night’s best performance was really (surprise!) the Macy’s Stars of Dance segment choreographed by Travis Wall that featured his fellow So You Think You Can Dance alums Nick Lazzarini, Jaimie Goodwin, and Danny Tidwell. Danny was the power-twirler who did the solo with New York City Ballet principal ballerina Tiler Peck. It’s during magical segments like these that I’m glad the ever-evolving Planet Mirrorballus boasts an atmosphere in which a hip-hop ballet set to the fervent tones of a platinum-selling violin duo is not only possible but — by season 10 — somewhat expected. Did anyone make it through that last sentence? Here is a simpler one: I like to think that ”Nuttin’ But Stringz” was originally conceived as a euphemism for ”fringe.”
NEXT: It’s gonna take a while for me to shut up about Sade