On the week 7 elimination episode of Dancing With the Stars, Niecy Nash made a classy exit — thanking her partner, calling attention to her various C-section surgeries, and using that joke about hula-hooping a Cheerio for the final time. Niecy would like to thank her fans, that childhood teacher who kicked her out of a school play, Mr. Wonderful, Mr. Van Intensité, and the promise of a cheeseburger and curly fries for keeping her going throughout the competition.
Here’s hoping Niecy can find time between work and snack to cohost future installments of DanceCenter. The ballroom will miss her. Luckily, the image of Niecy’s hungry hands grabbing for the beloved mirror ball trophy that’s just out of reach! will be seared in my mind forever along with some sea scallops and foie gras. This ”the ball’s barely in your court” image is the first and maybe only thing I would show to a DWTS newcomer who wanted to know what the series was really all about. I’d provide no explanation whatsoever and just hope he or she would ”get it.”
I am having some serious trouble concentrating right now because I can’t believe I never called our fallen star ”Niecy Nosh.” It’s all for the best.
Chad and Cheryl joined Niecy in the bottom two, and Erin and Maks had to wait it out ”in jeopardy” with them. The Week 8 encore performance went to Derek and Nicole for their 1950s-style paso, after which Derek whipped out a tiny comb (to swish it up a bit) and began directing the traffic of the audience’s cheers. DANCMSTR said their paso could be THE dance of the entire series. Really? Maybe I haven’t had time to ruminate on it properly (read: roll around in my heap of tiny jewel-toned pillows as I watch reruns of DWTS) but I’m not sure I’d even put this in my top five. It was cool, but the best?
DanceCenter has stood the test of time, even if it seemed a bit more subdued and less caustic than usual. I blame Jerry Rice’s unimposing blonde bob, which was as inexplicable as most of the wigs foisted onto us by the show… which I guess was the point. Jerry took every opportunity to flash his three gleaming Super Bowl rings at the camera. Chad has zero of those! Derek has danced with many beautiful girls, including Mark Ballas. That Nicole-Derek gum ”trick” was disgusting, but I might shudder at the idea of coconut-scented armpits even more. Evan hates roller skating and has one of the true iconic haircuts, along with Justin Bieber, Barack Obama, and DANCMSTR.
Three best uses of footage in DanceCenter: 1) Maks and Erin stomping around like children after Kenny rolled the ”wrong tape” of two old-timey spoiled kids fighting over a pony; 2) Evan’s monotonous description of his current level of excitement, to which all three commentators fell asleep (the way he just kept going and going and going, it seemed like he was in on the joke); 3) A former Hidden Gem of the Week to illustrate Niecy’s jiggly parts: Louis pointing emphatically at his partner’s yellow-fringed boobs. Meanwhile, my favorite text-based gem on the players’ stat cards was that Chad ”moonlights as a jeweler.” Hello!
The guys poked fun at Niecy’s food obsession and weight (hey, she provided the material), and I hadn’t realized how much thinner Niecy has become until Kenny suggested she was one of the rare performers to actually gain weight during the competition. Check out this pic of her and DANCMSTR a.k.a. ”Lynn.”
NEXT: You’ve got a friend in me; specifically, Ross Gellar