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Dancing with the Stars recap: Splitsville

Pamela Anderson waltzes home, and Train whizzes by in Week 7’s elimination episode

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Stars Pamela Anderson
Craig Sjodin/ABC

Dancing With the Stars

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Tom Bergeron, Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman, Erin Andrews, Julianne Hough
Current Status:
In Season

On the week 7 elimination episode of Dancing With the Stars, Pamela Anderson, the magically babelicious pop culture icon who reduced Tom Bergeron to a 12-year-old boy, said farewell to sequins, fringe, and the daily execution of splits. Her poise, ability to assume characters, and sweet nature will be missed. Honestly, it seemed like she knew she’d be gone. She was calm and cracking jokes, as if she’d already had a decent cry before the liiiiiive taping. Due to a vague-sounding injury, Pam got to close out her DWTS experience in a lovely pastel princess gown and perfect makeup instead of a black pleather raincoat and streaks of sweat. Hey, you gotta keep it classy, even on reality TV.

Your votes had set the stage for a shocking elimination! I wouldn’t call Pam’s oust that shocking, but it did provide the graphics department with a great excuse to splatter sliver lightning bolts all over the contestants’ headshots. I have to say, when Tom said ”One of these couples will be in the bottom two” and the audience gasped, I thought it would be Nicole and Derek. Alas, the ”fast, furious, and fabulous” Erin and ”her Russian” could not survive the unflattering bloodbath (of light) of the dreaded bottom two.

My favorite part of Tuesday’s show was Niecy’s previously taped outburst backstage. ”Why do people keep asking me that? Did I think I would be this far? Yes, because I’m going to win the mirrorball trophy!” She was quite matter-of-fact about it. My mom (DANCMSTR Dee) and I both love how Niecy often refers to the trophy specifically as ”the mirrorball trophy.” No one mentions it more than she does. I think I like this because it takes a true DWTS fan to have picked up on Tom’s subtle repetition of the term and the air of ultimate importance with which he’s delivered it for the past 50 years.

DANCMSTR Dee also points out that May is National Hamburger Month. So it does make sense that Niecy the Hamburglar should get to stick around and play with her friends Grimace (Erin), Mayor McCheese (Evan), Ronald McDonald (Chad), and Captain Crook (Nicole) in season 10’s top 5. Congrats to all!

Team Gaga performed their Cha Cha Challenge routine as the encore, with Chelsie filling in for Pam. Imagine my delight upon realizing that Chelsie’s last-minute top was fashioned not of sparkly silver fringe, but of sparkly silver fringed sequins. The difference is vast. Still, I wonder, as a few of you did yesterday, if the costumes for Team Gaga shouldn’t have been even more ridiculous than usual considering the sartorial circus associated with its musical inspiration. The least they could have done is revived Aaron and Karina’s Muppets from season 9. (For all we know, DANCMSTR impersonator Waldorf is hiding out below the judges’ table to this day.) Even combining the traditional DWTS pleather/fringe fare with some of the brightly hued geometric designs from last night’s Cirque du Soleil ”Viva Elvis” crew might have done the trick. That’s the magic of Macy’s. Oh, god, no. I did not just write that.

Train stopped by to redeem their single ”Hey, Soul Sister” from Planet Mirrorballus purgatory. When I made the mistake of relaxing my eyes a little, I decided Peter Gallagher was singing, Howie Mandel was on the mandolin and Billy Ray Cyrus had made his triumphant return to the ballroom to play guitar. Chelsie/Mark, Dmitry/Lacey, and Cheryl/Tony provided the whirling accompaniment. I loved that their dresses were so different, like they were just three civilian women out for a spring picnic ‘n’ romp in the park. On that note, I couldn’t believe Lacey was wearing shoes, let alone heels. After this number, lead singer Pat Monahan (I assume) let out a pretty intense scream as Brooke attempted to introduce yet another digital representation of the judges’ leaderboard.

NEXT: Karina returns, DWTS introduces the antidepressant Askapro, and obviously your Hidden Gems of the Week