The ballroom bid farewell to “Psycho” Mike Catherwood on Tuesday night’s Dancing With the Stars, thus setting him up for a lifetime of Dance Center appearances. (I’m guessing.) Mike can now count himself, along with Kenny Mayne and David Hasselhoff, as part of “the Mount Rushmore of terrible dancers.” Tom got a huge belly laugh at that one. Loved it. Mike’s exit was super classy (until he started dancing again, of course), and I liked how he made Lacey wait for her inevitable, sweeter-than-expected praise. “Lacey’s a beautiful person on the outside, but she is even more beautiful on the inside,” he gushed. Well, duh — he had to be around her crazy two-toned hair for the past five weeks. Imagine!
Mike knew it was coming: He wasn’t a dancer and didn’t have a great fan base. After Monday night’s jive with Lacey, Mike told EW he wasn’t losing any sleep over the dancing portion of this waking nightmare we call life. “I was losing sleep because my dogs got in a fight, so that sucked,” he said. “But all things considered, I was pretty serene.” Sounds like it. Also in the bottom three: Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna “always wants it one more time” Tre-BUN-skaya, and Wendy Williams and her professional partner Sparkletooth. These were the bottom three, but Sugar Ray wasn’t necessarily in the bottom two, said our fearless hosts. Whatever, dudes.
Lo and behold, last night we were introduced to…the six people we’re going to sacrifice to Apollo this year! Just kidding: They’re the DWTS Troupe. Or “THE TROUPE,” according to what was emblazoned on the ballroom floor in the graphics package. Clearly these kids are the next generation of the ballroom. They are just one among many reasons why Dancing With the Stars is a lot like both Degrassi and Star Trek. But that sounds like a slacker college student’s senior thesis, and this is a mere lowly TV recap. Here they are:
My initial reaction to any of the rarely named faker bakers who have performed during the Tuesday results shows has usually been along the lines of Agggggghhh! Imposters! But I suppose I can welcome these terrifyingly good-looking decoys into the tightly packed stable of Our Pros. I mean, they did have their own little intros and everything. We already knew Peta. Ted and Nicole are brother and sister, and she promises that “when you put that many talented dancers together, sparks will fly.” So I’m a bit confused. Is this a competition? Gross, if so. Either way, my early faves of The Troupe are, of course, the ones with the heaviest accents. Irishman Tristan is a joker and has a voice that lilts when he says “light-hearted.” Can we just get married right now?! Oksana, meanwhile, just oozes sex along with her slurry words. She “may be coming in a small package,” but don’t count her out!
NEXT: Chris Brown provides a way for ABC/Disney to remind us about TRON.