On Tuesday’s season 13, week 7 results show of Dancing With the Stars, low-on-tricks illusionist David Arquette and his real-magician partner Kym Johnson were expelled from DANCMSTR’s School of Sequins. The horror! I guess he’s been flying under the radar for weeks — the one other time they revealed the “actual bottom two,” David was there. It’s a huge shame. I loved the way David found every word out of his own mouth slightly more hilarious than the last — not to mention his enthusiasm for dance in general. He was a true gem of a contestant. We all Scream for this injustice!
“There must be a mistake, because this is my show,” complained David in a hilarious spoof of Maks on Week 6. Brooke loved this and even raised one of her doll arms in a defiant “Yes!”
The most tragic part of all of this might be that little Coco and Courteney Cox were not on Planet Mirrorballus to see David off. Come on! They were two of my favorite characters of the season!
Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus joined David in the “actual bottom two” this week. Meanwhile, Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy’s march of misery continues.
Welcome back to the ballroom, Carson Kressley! Just kidding, I know you’ve been sleeping in there. I loved when David popped up (looking rather ill in all that Halloween makeup) behind the DANCMSTR backstage during Carson With the Stars and announced, “Len called me a dancer!” Very spooky foreshadowing of the horror to come. And you can’t beat Bruce Jenner’s hard-hitting ballroom analysis, as delivered to Carson: “Rob’s really improved. J.R., can’t beat him. Ricki, yeah.” Bruce Jenner, yeah. Totally.
NEXT: Get ready for a ‘Wayne’s World’ reference