After an hour of waiting and the triumphant return of everyone’s favorite season 11 canine, a very sad Margaret Cho was eliminated on Week 3 of Dancing With the Stars. Did anyone else cry with her as she watched her video montage? I loved that she burst out laughing through the tears upon watching herself spread her Golden Wings of Terror during Week 1’s waltz.
When Louis cryptically announced at the end, “Our journey is not over,” I was hoping he meant that these two might be going door-to-door fighting for gay rights and spreading the spirit of the rainbow samba. (You know I’d join the Cult of Van Intensité in a heartbeat.) But it sounds like they’ll stick to the ballroom! Margaret told EW after the show, “I want to keep doing it, I want to keep dancing. It’s going to add years to my life, and that’s a really powerful thing.”
I bet Bristol Palin was “bumming hard” after joining Margaret and Louis under the red lights. Rick and Cheryl were also still “IN JEOPARDY! IN JEOPARDY!” at the hour’s end, but of course they were safe. And of course we still have no clue who the real “bottom two” are. Maybe it’s better this way. Some things should be left unexplored, like the long-term effects of The Situation’s science experiment or the full extent of Bristol’s vocabulary. Better to keep ’em guessing! In other news…
“Here to support our show and do what he does best is Michael Bolton!” Yep, last week’s eliminated contestant came barreling back into the ballroom (bounding back into the backyard?), having taken a night off from his world tour to perform “Hallelujah” on the DWTS main stage. Okay, no matter whose side you fell on after last week’s sensationalized “Bruno vs. Bolton” scandal, you cannot possibly deny that Michael Bolton…backed by a children’s choir on “Hallelujah”…with Jonathan and Anna twirling romantically…and by the way, all of this is occurring atop a giant cloud!…was a good use of Tuesday night results-show time. I mean, I suppose you could. But Bruno won’t. Look at him, clapping enthusiastically and giving the side-eye to the camera.
“WOULDN’T YOU SAY IT’S A TRIUMPHANT RETURN FOR MICHAEL BOLTON TO THE BALLROOM?” bellowed Tom. Yeah, by that point I’d had enough, too.
Either way, Margaret might have spoken too soon when she called her Monday night samba “The Gayest Thing That Ever Happened,” because suddenly Mark Ballas and Val Chmerkovskiy were staring each other down under the hot red lights, fighting to the death in a battle of strings! Mark jammed on his guitar; Maks’ leather-vest-clad brother wailed on the violin. They’ve been ballroom rivals for ages and it all. came. down. to. this. So ridiculous! I only needed the eventual introduction of a smoke machine to decide that “STRING IT ON” was pretty much my favorite thing that ever happened. (Within the hour.) The pounding heartbeat at the opening of their song initially led me to believe we might be about to hear “Speak to Me/Breathe” from Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. No, silly Annie. This is Planet Mirrorballus, not your apartment on a hazy Friday night. Obviously, Battle STRING IT ON was set to Britney Spears’ “Toxic”!
NEXT: True or False: Ne-Yo bringing his own dancers is a good idea.