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Dallas recap: Just Married (Again)

John Ross and Pamela had their wedding, but the day was far from perfect

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TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
Barbara Bel Geddes, Linda Gray, Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy, Charlene Tilton, Victoria Principal

A furry fetishist and a Monica Lewinsky plot in one episode: It can only be Dallas. (Or Bones. Or Scandal. But this time it was Dallas.)

We opened with Christopher continuing his conversation with Nicolas’ wife in Mexico. She told him that Nicolas changed his name in 1997 when he had a chance to leave his penniless orphan past behind him. Christopher told her that he never would have guessed Nicolas was married by the way he conducts himself in Dallas. Dick move or good strategy? We got a first glimpse of Drew this season peeking out a door as Christopher left. (Snooze.)

After John Ross left Pamela love-less again — though this time it was only because he’d scored a meeting with the railroad commissioner that had to happen on the morning of his wedding — Sue Ellen whispered loudly to Ann that she’d been right about John Ross and Emma having an affair. They got into a fight because Sue Ellen wants Emma to move out, and Ann thinks she’s not safe outside Southfork considering Harris’ dealings with the cartel. Sue Ellen wondered aloud if she’d rather have had someone tell her J.R. was a cheating bastard before it was too late. But it IS too late, Sue Ellen, because John Ross and Pamela are technically already married. Cue the music!

On his way out, John Ross took the time to make Emma feel like crap for the stunt she’d pulled with the matching lingerie last episode. “You know, you may screw like a woman, but you act like an attention-starved little brat. Truth hurts don’t it?” She told him to go to hell, and then she went inside and played more games with Pamela. She also drove Sue Ellen to drink from her flask again, which explains why she wouldn’t just find a room to put her purse in since she’s obviously staying there all day.

Nicolas taking a call wearing only a towel? No, you cannot get me to like him that easily. Damn it if Drew didn’t win back points though by admitting he still feels ashamed for planting the bomb that killed Christopher’s and Pamela’s babies. He thought maybe he should come back to Dallas and face the consequences. Nicolas told him no, it would break his mother’s heart. Also, I’m wondering if Nicolas thinks Drew might warn the Ewings out of guilt and/or find his adopted brother screwing his sister distasteful?

Christopher arrived home and after flirting with Heather, who’s working the wedding as a server, told Bobby what he’d learned in Mexico. Bobby said Carlos was coming to the wedding, maybe he could help them figure out what Nicolas was hiding pre-1997. Meanwhile, when John Ross showed up to meet the railroad commissioner, he found the commissioner’s friend Harris instead. Harris said he could get the commissioner to shut down the Sierra Club’s investigation into the Lesser Prairie Chicken on Southfork and get John Ross fracking, in exchange for the files that Emma stole. John Ross said he could have one thing back. The orange flash drive. That meant John Ross had to call and apologize to Emma, so he could ask her to bring it. She took the call while Pamela’s mother Afton was busy insulting Pamela’s decision to wear her hair down and pointing out that no one had heard from John Ross. Sue Ellen had seen that’s who was on Emma’s phone — maybe file him under a fake name, Emma.

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