You know those TV shows that end with everything being a dream and you feel like screaming at your television because you’ve devoted like 21 hours of your life to characters and story lines that ended up meaning nothing and now you question everything? Interestingly, tonight’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend season finale was nothing — and everything — like that. No dream, but somehow I’ve ended up with the same feeling. Why? BECAUSE WE’RE RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED. Cue screaming.
Basically, it all boils down to this: Rebecca is a bona fide, card-carrying romantic. Sure, she likes getting her butterfly smashed (as we all know), but at the end of the day what she really wants is to have a fairy tale moment with her prince charming. The problem is, she just can’t seem to find one who will give it to her (the moment, not the butterfly smashing), and since both contenders for the crown have been lying to themselves (and to her) about their feelings, things didn’t look good for any of them. But a final moment of truth, which led to a moment, which led to another, not as ideal moment of truth, and suddenly everything is more like Groundhog Day than the fairy tale classic Slumbered (save yourself the Google search, folks, it’s a Crazy Ex thing, darn it). Let’s go back to the beginning and see if we can figure out what the what just happened.
Once upon a time there was a little girl who just knew she’d have a great love story one day. Fast-forward 21 years, and she still hasn’t found her happy ending, at least, not the kind she really yearns for. However, after Prince Charming 2.0 (a.k.a. Greg) admits that he never really wanted to date anyone else, Rebecca is elated. Could her fairy tale moment be within reach?
Not if Paula has anything to do with it. Because after discovering that Rebecca and Greg are a thing, she goes on a rampage. (BTW, if any of you have ever questioned who the more unstable one in this friendship is, you may have your answer.) Hurt and angry, Paula morphs into the love child of Annie Wilkes and Mama Rose and unleashes on Rebecca about how much she’s done to help her win Josh, which includes but isn’t limited to installing a tracking device on Josh’s mom’s car and blackmailing Valencia’s boss. And also? She’s done being the sidekick. “After everything I’ve done for you (that you didn’t ask for), let’s just say Greg isn’t the only one you’re screwing,” Paula wails.
Trapped in her hospital bed, Rebecca is understandably freaked out at Paula’s showstopping performance, but she’s not the only one feeling uncomfortable. After bumping into Josh in the hospital and seeing him with a bouquet of flowers he’s bringing to Rebecca, Greg questions everything, and I don’t just mean his choice gift of an awesome stick balloon with the picture of the messiah riding a unicorn over a rainbow. Worried that Rebecca still has feelings for Josh, Greg comes to the conclusion that she likes the chill, bad boy version of himself better, even after his dad tries to offer him different advice.
Speaking of advice, Josh takes Greg’s and tells Valencia that he’s ready to look for a ring, but that she needs to be patient and allow him to go about it in his own way. She very calmly agrees to his terms, and then has a fabulous — silent — victory dance when he leaves. Who else’s love for V has grown exponentially since the beginning of the season?
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Since Paula’s very grand finale and subsequent exit in the hospital room, Rebecca needs someone to confide in so she turns to, who else, the seems-crazy-yet-is-the-most-stable-person-on-this-show-ex-girlfriend Heather (I’d have picked Mrs. Hernandez, for obvious reasons, BTW). Heather brings up Josh, but Rebecca brushes her off. She’s after “the moment” — the dance in a ball, the kiss in a tower, the magic carpet ride — and she’s sure Greg can deliver. “Oh, so you’re one of those girls…” deadpans Heather, who now is tied with Valencia for the award of most improved character.
After some chill and awkward convo where Rebecca and Greg are both masking their true feelings behind farts and three-wick candles, Rebecca spies Jayma’s wedding invitation on Greg’s table: Jayma’s magical, fairy tale wedding invitation, which she instantly knows will provide her with her moment with Greg! (If, like me, this is the point where you think you know how this will end, think again.)
NEXT: The moment we’ve all been waiting for… or is it?