We’re still obsessing over Josh’s recent confession that he’s “very attracted” to Rebecca. Particularly, she’s obsessing over the use of the word “very,” which the wise gentlemen running the juice bar tell her doesn’t mean anything, a conclusion that’s supported when Josh appears and uses the word no fewer than four times in a single sentence. “So ‘very’ is just your go-to adverb,” Rebecca muses, not that it has any impact on her.
The Thanksgiving holiday is upon us, and Rebecca depressingly shares that she and her mom normally just roll Craisins into slices of turkey and watch a dog show. Josh will be busy helping entertain his entire family at his mom’s house, and everywhere Rebecca looks, she sees families. She worries she doesn’t belong anywhere. Paula suggests, after inviting Rebecca to her own “apocalypse” of a Thanksgiving, that she figure out a way to get herself invited to Josh’s family celebration. Rebecca, reasonably (for once), thinks it’s a bad idea, but then Paula throws this logic at her: “Do you think Angelina went into Mr. and Mrs. Smith with that kind of attitude?” It’s a fair point, but one that Rebecca doesn’t pay much attention to until she learns that the holidays stress Valencia out because the Chans apparently hate the girl. And with that, Rebecca is a little more ready to play the Jolie to Valencia’s Aniston.
Greg, meanwhile, is just barely keeping it together at Home Base, serving cheap patrons who refuse to leave tips and drunk moms (who probably also refuse to leave tips). He’s over this job, and he has big Thanksgiving plans to quit. Right after this shift, he’s quitting his job, moving out of his dad’s house, and enrolling in business school. Because Greg has dreams! But we’ll come back to this — there’s a reason someone as fab as Greg has allowed himself to work in a job he loathes for as long as he has.
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Back in the scheme-and-stalk land, Rebecca accosts Mrs. Chan at the Asian food market (Paula’s idea), reminds her of Josh and Rebecca’s adorable little romance from way back when, and Paula manages to list all of Rebecca’s very impressive degrees and accomplishments. And just like that, the girl is set to join the Chans for Thanksgiving. Rebecca seems more excited to just spend Thanksgiving with a normal family than she is to stalk Josh, which is oddly sweet.
Paula doesn’t have time for such sentimentality, however. She just wants to nanny-cam Rebecca’s trip to the Chans, anticipating a huge victory for her girl. Cue a hip-hop rap anthem, “I Give Good Parent,” in which Rebecca compares herself to a TED Talk and spits lines such as “Brought a nice red so when I come in the place I already got ‘em heated up under the waist. Your home is such a beautiful, comfortable space. Bitches, you two have wonderful taste!” All the while Mrs. Chan is sporting a white fur coat and grills.
NEXT: Rebecca’s Thanksgiving nightmare comes true.
In real life, Rebecca is, in fact, actually killing it with the Chans. Valencia, as expected, hates every minute of it. (Paula, via live stream, loves it.) As dinner wraps up, Rebecca’s getting nothing but love from Josh’s parents, and even wrangles an invitation to Mass. But all that Filipino food is about to catch up with Rebecca, and she races to the bathroom with a look of panic on her face. While she’s locked in the powder room, she overhears Josh and Valencia fighting — about Rebecca. But sounds of fighting VERY quickly turn into sounds of… not fighting, things that Rebecca thinks could be either a tiny trampoline or a ghost with a rusty knee. Spoiler alert: It’s neither. So Rebecca is trapped in an unfamiliar bathroom with impending bowel issues, listening to a guy she’s into have sex with his hot girlfriend. And that, my friends, is what Thanksgiving is really all about.
Back at Greg’s house, his bird-training father — whose health is ailing — is rushed to the hospital. He’s in stable condition, but the bigger issue is one that crushes Greg’s new set of dreams: The best treatment options aren’t covered by Greg’s insurance, and based on the look on his face when he gets the bill, isn’t something he can handle out-of-pocket. Back to Home Base it is. Greg’s super depressed about it, and lets it all out while singing a Piano-man style tune about how much he hates serving his high school friends beer, and how over West Covina he is. He’s got dreams, this Greg. “It’s 5:55, I’m still singing, the big Turkey Day game’s letting out. But no one’s coming here, who am I kidding? Hey you sunburned MILFs, give me a shout! Everyone’s going home ‘cause it’s time to give thanks — thanks for the chain stores and outlets and banks, thanks for this town three short hours from the beach, where all of your dreams can stay just out of reach!” Okay, this song is super depressing but solidifies Greg’s place in the show as the real leading man. I hope this is a turning point in the season, and that we get a lot more Greg moving forward. Because really, isn’t Josh just a wimpy snoozefest?
I thought Greg’s dad was going to be a total curmudgeon, but he’s kind of great. He’s scolding Josh for spending his savings on pop’s medical bills. He wants Greg to get the hell out of here, go to school. You’re too good for this place, Greg! But Greg is responsible and is also a fantastic son, so he spends his Thanksgiving evening watching TV in his dad’s hospital room.
While Greg is willingly trapped in hospital jail, Rebecca’s out of sex jail but still hasn’t gone to the bathroom. And she’s trying to make a run for it — she needs the hell out of this house. But as she’s making her exit, she witnesses her worst nightmare. Josh gathers the family, declares his love for Valencia, and asks Valencia to move in with him. (Valencia says “I do,” and Rebecca and Mrs. Chan both shout a quiet “Noooooo.”)
Rebecca finally makes it home, finally goes to the bathroom, and is laying on her couch saying things like “my butthole is the gateway to hell” when Greg barges in to keep her company, and he comes with gifts! Tacos and tequila. Rebecca’s happy for the company, and bathroom problems aside, the scene is kind of romantic. Or at least comfortable. Comforting? They talk about real things — family, abandonment issues, Netflix — and Rebecca suggests that Greg enroll in night school, allowing himself to take care of his dad and pursue his dreams. This culminates in a pillow fight, and Paula (who’s being a total freak this ep) is still watching through her nanny cam. And though she sees the natural chemistry, she is not about Greg. She’s #teamjosh, and dammit, she’s going to do what she can to make it happen. But until then, may your own Thanksgiving be filled with tacos and tequila.