We’re all about self-improvement on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend this week. Or, in the case of Rebecca, what starts as self-improvement and turns into a horrible path toward self-destruction. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Come for the musical numbers; stay for the life lessons.
We meet up with Rebecca and Paula at the local skate park because California, and also because Rebecca is stalking Josh. (He’s not there, obviously.) While these two are struggling to simply stay upright, Rebecca’s mother calls to tell her that her old coworker got the promotion that was intended for Rebecca, and this girl just married a hedge fund manager. Thanks, Mom. It’s enough to throw Rebecca into a binge-eating state of depression.
On her sad walk home from the junk-food store, with her skating gear and helmet still pathetically on, Rebecca bumps into her neighbor (the one that’s taking abnormal psych and wants to study her). They actually share a nice moment, though, and the neighbor wants to cheer Rebecca up. How? By introducing her to the wonderful world of Tinder. “This guy can meet you at a bar in 20 minutes,” she says. “That’s fast!” Rebecca marvels.
So Rebecca meets some dude at a bar for all of 10 seconds before dragging him out of there and back to her apartment, where a sexy-ish Beyoncé-inspired music video for a song titled “Sex With a Stranger” begins, complete with Rebecca in a truly hideous zebra-print catsuit. (Don’t we just admire Rachel Bloom’s commitment to this character? Rebecca may be a mess, but Rachel is pretty much my idol.) She puts on her best sultry voice while singing “please don’t be a murderer” and crossing her fingers that this sexy stranger, whose name is Jason, has been tested for STDs and won’t steal anything from her apartment.
Rebecca’s not used to such casual sexual encounters and, just as they’re about to get down to it, briefly runs away from her sexy stranger to pace around her living room, where the ever-present, “when was the last time you were truly happy” butter commercial is on TV. A butter commercial really shouldn’t be the guiding force in anyone’s life, but Rebecca’s going through something, and this is all she’s got. The good news is the butter commercial makes her realize that she can’t just randomly sleep with this bro. She needs to start making healthier choices. And Jason, that ain’t you.
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The next morning, Rebecca’s newfound commitment to making healthy life choices means she’s ultimately just carrying around a green juice, and she’s very pleased with herself for doing so. She stayed up all night and decided that, aside from learning about Kabbalah and Buddhism, she’s going to be a vegan as well.
Over at Home Base, Greg is getting pressure to ask Rebecca out from one of his adolescent patrons. Either do it or don’t do it, the kid urges. Greg is feeling a little crazy himself, because he likes Rebecca but also wants to punch her in the arm. (“You just described the fifth grade,” the wise child says to him.) So when Rebecca shows up, green juice in hand, gabbing about her new, healthy lifestyle, Josh sees it as an in. “I still like you, and I know I shouldn’t. I don’t want to. You’re not that nice to me, and you’re weird.” This goofy exchange transforms into a Gershwin-style song and dance in which Greg begs Rebecca to settle for him. “Like 2 percent milk or seitan beef, I almost taste the same,” he croons.
NEXT: Stranded at the taco festival