Tonight’s episode is kind of terrifying. Well, it’s terrifying for Rebecca. The episode (which has nothing to do with Halloween, for the record) is about facing your fears, and Rebecca is forced to do just that. And what’s her biggest fear? Throwing a party. (I know that sounds ridiculous, but the show is called Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, so let’s run with it.)
Rebecca is still moping that she’s not allowed to hang out with Josh anymore, since his beautiful yogi girlfriend Valencia hates her. But that doesn’t stop our leading lady from figuring out ways to get some face time with the man of her dreams: She tells Josh she has an apartment emergency and then clogs her garbage disposal with chicken in the hopes that he can help her “repair” it. (Shouldn’t a Harvard and Yale graduate be able to come up with a more clever lie? Come on, Rebecca.)
Anyway, Josh does come over to help, but he brings White Josh — WiJo, for short — as a buffer so that Valencia can’t get mad. But since chicken in a garbage disposal is neither a household emergency nor something that takes more than two minutes to remedy, Josh and WiJo are on their way before long, and Rebecca is left, once again, moping on her couch. She’s so depressed that she can’t even go to work. (She calls in sick, and when Darryl questions the authenticity of the claim, she simply utters the word “uterus” and he quickly signs off and condones the day at home.)
But Paula is a grown woman and knows that 90 percent of the time a female takes a sick day and claims it has to do with her anatomy, she’s faking it. So when Darryl tells Paula that Rebecca’s uterus exploded, she calls Rebecca’s bluff and heads to the Bunch apartment. Paula, whose wisdom is questionable at best, tells Rebecca to simply take a cue from every teen movie ever and throw a party, giving her the chance to hang out with the guy she’s not supposed to hang out with in a public setting.
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A PARTY? No, no no no no no no, Rebecca says. There’s a reason she doesn’t throw parties. Cue the flashback: When Rebecca was 12, she invited everyone in her grade to come over and watch a pay-per-view concert of her favorite boy band, Room Temperature (amazing). Then her parents got in a horribly embarrassing fight, during which her dad called the three classmates that showed up losers and her mother shouted about her father’s “whore.” And then they split up, and her father left the house, presumably never to return again. It’s actually a devastating scene. “Oh my god,” Paula says. Rebecca explains that it’s the root of all her party fears — well, all her fears. To make Rebecca feel less alone, Paula confesses her own fear: “I wake up every morning in cold sweats worried that I’m wasting my entire life with a man who spends all his time with a barbershop quartet called the West Bro-vinas.” Sad.
Rebecca’s still not sold, so Paula breaks into an inspirational song called “Face Your Fears.” It’s a big Broadway-style ballad, with Paula backlit as though she’s the Teen Angel from Grease. The song is an amazing collection of bad advice, complete with a uniformed choir of children waving scissors about recklessly. Sample lyric: “Face your fears, follow your dreams, stare at the sun, play in the street (a busy street) / if you’re scared of bees, get stung (don’t have an EpiPen ready), reach for the stars (literally touch the stars, stars aren’t that hot).” I would pay big money to see this show on an actual Broadway stage.
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