When we last left Rebecca and Greg, they were practically fornicating in the doorway of Home Base and he was promising her three days of them “ruining each other” (but not emotionally). Spoiler: He made good on one of the promises. Which one? Grab a glass of cranberry juice and let’s find out.
After three days spent holed up in a sex cocoon, Rebecca is starting to feel things. Things other than tingles in her lady parts. She’s ready to tackle the elephant in the room (settle down, we’ll get to Greg’s parts later) and brings up the whole issue of their troubled history. But Greg’s cool. He tells her the drama is all a distant memory and he wants to keep things “light and polite… ’cept in the bedroom.” While Rebecca is certainly riding high, well, on Greg, she’s clearly troubled by his new flip attitude.
After a booty call in a public bathroom (and me taking a time out to take a shower just from having to hear about it), Rebecca heads to Paula’s to help her bake a pie for the annual pie contest (just go with it). It seems the distinction of being the best pie baker in West Covina has eluded Paula in years past. She’s down in the dumps, so Rebecca vows to help her win, but Paula’s gloomy mood has nothing to do with pies. She’s still bummed about the Rebecca and Josh love story being in peril. And by bummed I mean unnaturally destroyed and dispirited. It reminds me a little of my mood when Brenda and Dylan broke up. IN 1991.
But when Paula discovers that Rebecca has her panties wadded up in her coat pocket AND PULLS THEM OUT…IN HER KITCHEN it’s like the blood rushes back into her lifeless and mopey (and horny) body. She’s crazy to know who Rebecca’s sleeping with, as long as it’s not Greg. Why not Greg? Because he’s Josh’s best friend and that would ruin Rebecca’s chances when she finally comes to her senses and runs back to him, as Paula seems to be betting her very existence on. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m not so sure who the crazy one really is supposed to be on this show.
Rebecca’s annoyed, but that’s not the only thing she’s feeling. She’s also got some wicked burning down in her netherlands, which as any woman who’s had her butterfly smashed for three days knows can mean only one thing: UTI. Greg, feeling mighty (ahem) cocky of making good on his promise to ruin Rebecca, not to mention his, um, apparent capaciousness, breaks into an anthem of pride, which I’m sure is already being optioned by Drake.
“My sweet love injection caused a urinary tract infection!”
“That bladder inflammation is my little gift to you, yeah, sometimes chicks need medication after what I put them through.”
“If it hurts to take a leak, well, that’s just part of my technique.”
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At Home Base, Greg’s strange new demeanor (i.e., happiness) isn’t lost on Hector, Heather, and Josh. After Rebecca shows up and is flirty with Greg, who is actually smiling and laughing, Hector and Heather figure it all out, but Josh, of course, does not. When Heather points out the obvious, Josh gets defensive and storms out, ending up at his dojo where he works out his feelings with a combination of impressive judo moves and some not-as-impressive pelvic thrusts.
Meanwhile, Hector and Heather are giving Greg and Rebecca very different advice. Hector points out that Greg’s finally got the upper hand and that he should continue to keep his cards to himself and string Rebecca along. He even convinces Greg to play the field. Heather, meanwhile, helps Rebecca realize that she’s got real feelings for Greg, which freaks her out, because she’s not used to having feelings for anyone but Josh… and herself.
NEXT: Rebecca’s torn up