Let’s just get it out of the way right now: How awkward would that have been if Donald Trump had fired Bret Michaels last night? The rock star is clinging to life, in critical condition after suffering a brain hemorrhage. It’s a scary, scary situation, and it made me really apprehensive about watching the latest episode of Celebrity Apprentice. How can we possibly have fun and enjoy ourselves watching two hours of the silliest television program ever recorded when one of its contestants is fighting for his life? But then it hit me: This is Bret Michaels we’re talking about! Pursuit of fun is this dude’s whole modus operandi, which explains songs with titles like ”Nothin’ But a Good Time.” This is a guy that’s all about wanting to entertain, and let me just say this: Bret Michaels was extremelyentertaining on this latest episode of Celebrity Apprentice. We’ll get to all that in a minute because you know I am simply dying to break down the genius that was ”Pump Up the Weiner,” but back to what could have been one of the worst-timed exits in reality history: Becaue Bret’s team lost last night, and Bret brought in the least amount of money, Trump could have easily the fired the guy. Keep in mind, this was all taped months ago, so there’s obviously no way the Donald could have known it would be coming on the heels of Bret being in the hospital, but it still would have been seriously wince-worthy if he had been tossed out of the Boardroom and forced to take that cold, lonely ride down with Adrian the elevator operator. (After scoring Amanda the receptionist’s digits, of course.)
That’s why I feel okay about the Donald’s cop out of not firing anyone. Normally, when reality shows fail to eliminate someone after an episode, I rail on and on about how we viewers demand fresh meat each and every week. If there is no elimination then there are no stakes. It’s why non-elimination legs of The Amazing Race drive me cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs. But knowing what we know about Bret’s current situation, this fortuitous timing was much more preferable to seeing him get booted out of Trump Tower. Also, let’s not forget: It’sCelebrity Apprentice! It doesn’t really matter who stays and who goes. The journey is far too entertaining to even worry about the destination. So let’s get into this weeks journey, shall we?
After skipping pretty much every single task of the entire season, Sharon — clearly inspired by the work ethic of Darryl Strawberry — decided she didn’t want to play anymore. But that was before she got a chance to watch Trump’s son Barron hit golf balls into a net! Clearly inspired by his athletic prowess (as well as Trump switching up the teams to make Curtis, Cyndi, Summer, and Holly the new Tenacity, and Bret, Sharon, and Maria the new RockSolid) Sharon was completely revitalized. The task was for the teams to create and run a workout class at something called 24 Hour Fitness. They were able to call on their big donor friends for cash, but had to get some poor schlubs to actually take the class in their place.
NEXT PAGE: Buns and guns? There has got to be a better way to say that…