Hillo, my nime iz Rod Blagojevich. Daulton aksed me to typpe a few wordsssssss thanking you fooor waching me on Celebrity Aprince. Unfortanuely, it jst took me thrree hours to typpe that frssst sentemce. Män, typping is hard, ispecially when I ca’nt figure out how to ussse the spill check/ I mena, speall check.+? I mean, spell check. See that just took anouther eight hours. Now, im’ almost as tired as me good friend Darryl Somethingorother. Okay, g@tta go”. Rimember, im’ innosent!
Hey, give me that laptop, Blagojevich! And stop stealing all my hair-care products! Sorry about that, everyone. Blagojevich must have just hijacked my computer for a little more self-promotion. Or did he? Perhaps this is simply another case of… STOLEN IDENTITY! Better call Lifelock! And Norton! Oh, if only they had one joint product together so my lazy ass could make just one call instead of two! Oh, if only. Anyhoo, I’m glad Blago stepped by, because I want to lead things off by talking about the disgraced governor.
Say what you will about him allegedly trying to sell Obama’s senatorial seat. Say what you will about his seeming inability to accept one single ounce of blame for his actions. And say what you will about his wife appearing alongside Spencer Pratt on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here. But say this also: The guy is a reality TV goldmine. Because reality TV is all about buffoonery, and Rod Blagojevich may just be the biggest buffoon in reality TV history. He’s like the bastard lovechild of Joe Schmo and Coach from Survivor. He just walks around as clueless as clueless can be with his goofy grin on. Ignorance must truly be bliss because this guy seemingly has no skills whatsoever and is caught up in a huge political scandal, yet walks around like he just ate up a huge bowl of sunshine. I wonder what the voters of Illinois — especially the ones that voted for him — think when they see how incompetent he is. Probably the same way I felt watching my hometown of Washington D.C. reelect Marion Barry after he was caught smoking crack and fondling a woman’s breast.
But I’m not here to hate on Blago. I’m here to show the love. Because all I want from the hours of 9 and 11 on a Sunday night is to be entertained by dolts, and as far as television goes, he is the most entertaining dolt I have seen in years. And in the defense of Rod Blagojevich as a television superstar, I would like to present the following exhibits into evidence, all from the most recent episode of Celebrity Apprentice:
NEXT: The evidence mounts for Blago