She sits at the desk by herself. Lonely. So lonely. Her only friends: a notebook, a jar full of pens, and a pair of golden scissors. The woman doesn’t even get a computer for crying out loud! I’m speaking, of course, of Amanda Miller, Celebrity Apprentice’s resident phony baloney Boardroom receptionist. Sure, she is occasionally entertained by bickering contestants waiting to reenter Trump’s lair. And yes, she has been known to steal flirty glances from across the room at her strapping young suitor, Adrian the elevator operator. But the reception area has become a prison of sorts for our intrepid young note-taker. I mean, other than writing love letters to Adrian and uttering those nine magic words — “Gentlemen, you can head back into the Boardroom now” — what else is there for her to do? Perhaps you think that is all Amanda is capable of. That her skills do not extend beyond the Boardroom desk. THINK AGAIN, SUCKAS!
Amanda is a multi-talented Trump employee of the highest order! It turns out when the Boardroom beauty is not nodding compassionately to formerly famous people that have just been fired, she works for Ivanka’s clothing line. Doing what? I have no idea! But there she was in Ivanka’s showroom just…kinda…hanging out. Was she there to model Ivanka’s clothes? Is she a saleswoman? Did she simply get lost on the way to the Boardroom? Again, no clue. But did you see how happy she looked to be free from the shackles of Trump Tower? The woman was smiling for crying out loud. SMILING! (Meanwhile, poor Adrian sits — well, stands, actually — in his sad little elevator, waiting for his one true love to return.)
But I will never abandon you, dear readers. So let’s look at the five other things that had me high-fiving myself about last night’s episode of The Celebrity Apprentice.
1. An Explosion of Trumps
They’ve mobilized! They’re everywhere! The Apprentice started off with one Trump, Donald. Then Ivanka showed up. Eventually Don Jr. joined the mix. And two seasons ago, when one of them was unavailable, all of a sudden Eric appeared. But I’m not sure we’ve ever had four Trumps in one room on the show before. However, there they all were, lined up to tell the teams that their newest task was to create two Lord & Taylor window displays for Ivanka’s clothing line. With The Donald hosting, Ivanka judging (along with some other guy we don’t care about), and Jr. and Eric advising, the scene turned into one big freakin’ Trumpalooza! The only thing missing was little five-year-old Barron. How long until he’s in the Boardroom telling his daddy what a great decision he made on whom to fire?
The thing about all these Trumps taking over the program is that while it reeks of nepotism, they’ve each become welcome additions to the program in their own special way. The icy Ivanka has turned into an equal parts feared and respected Boardroom Dominatrix. Don Jr. has proven to have a pretty wicked of humor, which he has been known to direct at his father from time to time. Eric? Well, the jury’s still out on Eric. I had high hopes for the man when he first showed up a few years back tapping his fingers together as if he was doing his best Snidely Whiplash impersonation, but he has unfortunately proven to be significantly less evil in subsequent episodes. Although I swear every time I see the guy he is using more and more hair gel. It’s as if Don Jr. and Eric are having a sibling rivalry to see who can break the land speed record for hair product slathering per second.
In any event, the more Trumps the better as far as I’m concerned. If only Ivanka could get divorced and marry James Lipton into the family, then everything would be P-E-R-F-E-C-T.
NEXT: Lou Ferrigno’s favorite number