NOOOOOOOOOOOO! That was my first reaction upon seeing Gary Busey fired. Not because he deserved to stay, mind you. Au contraire, mon frère. After Rod “How do you work a cell phone?” Blagojevich and Darryl “Can I take another nap, please?” Strawberry, Busey may have been the most ineffective Celebrity Apprentice contestant ever. I won’t miss his talent, because he didn’t have any. And I won’t even miss his wacky Buseyisms, which were funny in small doses, but became tiresome in large quantities. But what I will miss are the hilarious rationalizations Donald Trump used to keep Gary around week after week. It infuriated most of America, who operate under the assumption that the most qualified person should stay. Not me. I know full and well that people who make good TV advance and people who don’t go home. So to me, the worse Gary did, the harder Trump would have to work to convince everybody that he deserved to stay. And therein lies the true humor and genius of Celebrity Apprentice.
Want a good laugh? Go back and watch last week’s episode again and count the amount of times Trump calls Gary “brilliant.” From the way Trump was talking you would have thought Busey had split the atom, cured cancer, and solved the Rubik’s Cube — and all before breakfast. This is the same man who just had an intimate conversation over the phone with an Omaha Steaks customer service representative. The same man that could not spell “absolutely” or “key lime.” The same man who can’t figure out how to put tissue paper in a box. There’s your genius.
Unfortunately for us, Trump felt like even he — perhaps the best BS-er in the history of BS-dom — could carry this charade out no longer, and his tone changed. Upon meeting the Omaha Steaks executives, he informed them that: “He’s had a little difficulty but that’s okay. He’s potentially genius but we haven’t figured it out yet. He’s either a genius or a moron and I can’t figure it out.” Later, in the Boardroom he told the rest of team Backbone, “He’s totally messed up, fellas, but you have to admit, there’s something nice about him.” Finally, he sealed the deal in the most gentle manner possible with, “Gary, you’re very talented, you’re very unique, you’re an amazing guy, but Gary, you’re fired.”
I cannot express how completely disappointed I am in Donald Trump’s actions. He thought that even for him, he was stretching the limits of credibility. I say…STRETCH FURTHER! This is Celebrity Apprentice, dammit! Credibility should be the last thing on your mind. Think of it this way: Celebrity Apprentice, is, in essence a comedy. And what could be funnier that Donald Trump driving the entire men’s team to the breaking point by refusing to fire Gary Busey? Can you imagine what would have happened to Meat Loaf if Trump had kept Busey around one more week? Just one more week! Mr. Loaf could barely speak by the end of this task. One more go round and he would have turned into a shivering, quivering mess. Oh, God, it would have been delicious. And Trump continuing to praise Busey as brilliant while he did nothing at all — sending John Rich and Lil Jon into fits of exasperation in the process — would have been gold. Pure gold. But instead he had to put Busey out of his misery like an inured horse. An injured, delusional, acronym-obsessed horse.
NEXT: Boy, oh boy