Donald Trump is no fool, ladies and gentlemen. Sure, he thought the USFL could compete with the NFL. Yes, he had some rocky financial times in the late 1980s and early 1990s. And I have no idea what the hell is gong on with his hair. But more often than not, the man knows what he is doing. Take the firing of Aubrey O’Day last night, for instance. No way she could win the show with all the losses she accumulated and people she pissed off along the way. But the woman is television gold. Pure gold. (Just ask her! She’ll tell you!)
So what did Trump do? Only the most genius thing ever. He fired her at the exact moment where not only would she not miss a single episode, but she would only be gone for a grand total of about 90 seconds! It’s like she walked straight out of the Boardroom for a potty break and then met the final two and everyone else at Lincoln Center to get started back up again on the final task. Perfect!
Because make no mistake, Aubrey O’Day is a remarkable specimen that deserves to be observed and studied from every possible angle. Said Aubrey after her firing: “I’m somebody that stands in your face and is so bright and shines so big that you’re either intimidated, you’re annoyed, or you’re in love.” Actually, I’m all three! (You could also throw in confused, amused, occasionally disgusted, and thoroughly fascinated.) I would like to personally stand up and give Aubrey a slow clap in recognition of her many contributions to the most wonderfully absurd show in television history. She made it even that much more wonderful and that much more absurd, right through her final proclamation that “I hope I die undeveloped.” I don’t quite understand if that means she wants to die young and ignorant or old and stupid, but it’s an amazing comment either way. Bravo, Aubrey! You have more than secured your spot on Celebrity Apprentice: All Stars.
One final note about Aubrey’s firing: Did you catch her two-handed blow kiss to phony baloney Boardroom receptionist Amanda Miller on her way out? And, more importantly, did you catch phony baloney Boardroom receptionist Amanda Miller’s one-handed blow kiss back? Why, just last week we had Amanda on our InsideTV Podcast and talked about the need for her to come up with a go-to move to give departing contestants to replace her usual sympathetic nod and wave. THIS IS IT! I even have a catchy nickname for it: The Kiss-Off. Amanda, starting next season, I expect all fired celebrities — whether it be Boy George, Jackée, or the dude who played Paulie Walnuts — to receive The Kiss-Off.
But don’t you kiss off until we get to the finest moments of last night’s episode. Just one rule: Everyone has to turn sideways to the right and try to read this only through your left eye’s peripheral vision. This is how Magic Johnson reads all my recaps.
NEXT: The most awkward Boardroom statement ever