This is it, everyone: We could now officially build a skeleton entirely out of Bones episodes. And the show’s 206th installment is significant not just because that’s the number of bones in the human body, but because it marks Bones as 20th Century Fox Television’s longest-running one-hour drama. Milestones all around!
It’s fitting that the landmark hour should revolve around the Royal Diner, which is such a reliable background player on the show that my mom and I once muttered, “There’s that diner,” in unison at the start of a scene. (Genetics is a terrifying science.) Bones is always celebrating the overlooked—and occasionally suggesting that we overlook not what’s unremarkable, but what we’re not ready to face. Like Booth’s gambling relapse. Or, in the case of this week’s murder, a celebrity chef with a long list of vices.
TV personality Chili Reuben, of the hit show Gettin’ Spicy with Chili Reuben, is found murdered at a fitness boot camp. If you hear “Chili Reuben” and think “Guy Fieri doppelganger,” you are correct. Chili was the kind of celebrity chef whose job entailed going from diner to diner and eating a pizza slice on top of a burger, so he was basically Aubrey’s hero. He was also responsible for giving the Royal Diner a bad review. The thought that anyone who serves them food could be responsible for murder throws the team into such an existential panic that Cam calls in reinforcements. (“Not that our history with the diner would affect our ability to remain impartial.”)
Unpleasant though the task may be, Booth and Brennan put their free refill privileges on the line to question chef Frankie, who’s got a temper, and waitress Joanne, who had sex with Chili in the back of his Spice Mobile. (I literally could not make up anything on this show if I tried.) He might have spent his onscreen life dipping chicken wings into waffle-flavored ice cream, but when the camera wasn’t rolling, Chili preferred sleeping with waitresses, getting into bar fights, and ordering his staff to score him some crank. Or at least, that’s what sound guy Kenneth Morton says when they catch him on film pawning Chili’s signature earring.
Though Chili had no drugs in his system, the team does find evidence in his body that he was a habitual user. His producer, Sid, says that he tried to force Chili into rehab—and Chili responded by rolling out of a moving van. The night he was murdered, he got into a fight with a bartender who tried to take his keys. But for everything he did that could have killed him, Chili was murdered for what didn’t kill him—for the fact that he found a way to keep living despite obvious disregard for his own life.
The celebrity chef managed to get two organ transplants while Morton’s mother waited for a new kidney; she never got one, and she’s dying because of it. When Chili showed up in Morton’s hotel room, angry that his sound guy hadn’t found him any crank, he slipped, and Morton took the opportunity to drown him in the bathtub. Then he dumped the body and paid his mom a visit. Probably not at “that diner.”
NEXT: Mo’ money fewer problems