So, what should I have for lunch today, fellow Biggest Loser fans? Should I have some yummy blueberries? Salmon? Or should I try to undercook some wild rice for myself? Choices, choices!
Why am I talking about my lunch? Well, because last night’s episode of Biggest Loser was all about making smart food choices in your daily life. And also because, like many smart things — textbooks, Ken Jennings, not playing Edward Fortyhands when you have work the next day — last night’s episode was a snoozer. Sure, we all know that every episode of Biggest Loser is a carbon copy of itself, delivering tears, weigh-ins, and kick-ass training sessions. But unlike some of this season’s shows — which featured drama and fun themes — last night’s episode delivered boring challenges, and less drama than a kindergarten production of Cinderella.
But speaking of Cinderella, this is the part of the season in which we really start to see changes in our contestants. Their cores are getting stronger, their arms more muscular, their faces much skinnier. (I don’t even think that Sam could be considered anywhere near ”fat” anymore.) And last night’s Biggest Loser transformation moment was, in a word, a-mah-zing. But before we get to that, we have to start at the beginning of the episode, right?
We left off last week with Cheryl’s sad, and somewhat surprising, ouster. As the black team began to file back into the house, Daris noticed that his mom wasn’t passing through the doors. Now, as I mentioned last week, I think these moments are particularly cruel. Why do the contestants force family members to wait in anticipation? Shouldn’t the first person through the door just tell Daris, ”Sorry, dude. It was your mom,” just to get it over with? Or is Bob waiting on the other side of the door, threatening to pound them with a Subway five-dollar foot-long if they spoil it?
It wasn’t long, however, until Daris realized his mom was gone, and that he would have to go it alone from here on out. And I have to say, he took the news quite a bit better than O’Neal! (That is to say, he decided not to take it out on the poor, poor furniture.) But enough sadness — onto the first challenge! What would our contestants be forced to do? Balance on a delicate rope over a mountainside? Pull a teammate up a 15-story building? Run across a river filled with crocodiles? Oh man, I wish. Because any of those three options would have been a lot more exciting than…food trivia. (I nearly fell asleep just writing those two words.) The blue team felt they were immediately in trouble, because, according to Koli, it’s impossible to have both brains and brawn. (Um, Batman? Superman? The Jolly Green Giant? Hello?!) But they were revved up once Ali — wearing a 19th century parlor chair — shared the prize for the challenge winners: A night at the Four Seasons spa! The losers would be relegated to Cinderella — hey! Speaking of! — duties: Cleaning the gym, and the second most disgusting-looking kitchen in competitive reality show history. (The Flavor of Love house still keeps its blue ribbon.) Of course, cleaning the gym would be no spring picnic either — O’Neal decided to share that he’s left 80 pounds of sweat in the room, which I’m guessing is the equivalent to one Alex Mack puddle.
NEXT: A (yawn) kitchen challenge