Mike began this season of The Biggest Loser as the heaviest contestant on the campus. Weighing in at 526, he seemed destined to be a 12th place finisher, or at least get eliminated by gameplaying contestants eager to pick up the final prize.
But thanks to our warm, fuzzy batch of contestants this year, Mike made it to the final four — and lost enough weight to shatter Danny’s record from last year. The guy lost 264 pounds, for a percentage weight loss of 50.19 percent. 50.19 percent! He lost half of himself in these past few months. Yet he still took his confetti shower with a full heart, gifting his mom Maria with a flower, and singing second-place finisher Ashley’s praises prior to picking up the win. Let’s say it together, friends: Aww. Don’t you feel like group hugging right now? Let’s all do it. Over the computer. Hug your computer. I’ll feel it. Aw, thanks.
Now that we’re settled, let’s rewind to the beginning of the episode for the final time this season. (Sniff!) Ali, doing her best Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman impression, greeted us during the first few minutes of the live telecast, announcing we would see the ”transformations of a lifetime.” And we did — pretty quickly, actually. Usually, I hate dragged-out finales. But I always felt it was anticlimactic for Biggest Loser to trot out two of the final four contestants within the first 15 minutes of the finale. It’s like, you know, killing off the MIB just one hour into a much-anticipated finale. But let’s not go off on tangents here.
Because we do need to focus on the important things here: Those holograms. Boy, I bet John King’s head exploded in envy! Oh, also, Daris and Koli looked incredible too. Dressed in a spiffy suit with dimples reaching to his ears, Daris stepped out and told Ali he had a new girlfriend named Heather, who is such a Betty, she’ll probably book a job with the CW within the next week. And Koli, wearing a salmon-colored pair of pants, nearly swam upstream in excitement about his own weight loss. (”Don’t mistake my confidence, my swagger, for being cocky,” Koli told us. I would feel better about not doing so had the guy not burst through the door screaming like a WWF pro.)
Then we learned what we all predicted last week: Daris picked up America’s vote, nabbing a spot in the finale three. But before we could see how much weight he’d lost, we needed to watch the final weigh-ins, and checked in with the progress of three former winners: Danny, Bill, and Erik. And holy Yoplait, did Erik look incredible or what? The guy is like The Biggest Loser version of Renée Zellweger — he gains and loses weight faster than you can run out of New In Town‘s theaters!
NEXT: Tipping the scales