Each week, there are three moments in any given Biggest Loser episode that are guaranteed to make me cry: when Jillian finally breaks down one troubled contestant, when a cast member beats a major weight-loss hurdle during the weigh-in, and when we see an astounding Biggest Loser transformation moment. (Like Sherry’s last week.) This all means, of course, that I manage to stay dry-eyed for at least the first hour of the show.
But that all changed last night. Biggest Loser, you did not prepare me. Here I was, watching the episode in my office, convinced that I would have to put on my snark hat while watching the contestants compete in some sort of silly challenge introduced by the wardrobe-challenged Ali. But five minutes in, I became a blubbering mess. I was sobbing, my fellow Biggest Loser fans. Which means last night’s episode completely made up for last week’s blah fest.
What can I say? Those at-home visits get me every time. The contestants pass through their doorways, and greet their loved ones, who immediately begin screaming and crying in glee. And even though I’m fully aware what the contestants look like, and how much weight they’ve lost, their sentiments are completely contagious. Who else was crying? Don’t be shy! (P.S. Sam in his Burberry scarf — lookin’ fine!)
After the contestants got all their hugs and greetings out of the way, their families informed them the show had sent a very large, very mysterious gift, which was kept inside a large wooden crate. Naturally, there seemed to be only three options when it came to its contents: Jillian, Bob, or a stripper. Right? Wrong! Turns out the crate actually contained an exercise bike — and a small box to boot. And we all knew what would be inside that box — a Dirt Devil! Because how rude would it be to package a crate so thousands of Styrofoam peanuts pour all over a family’s living room without offering them some sort of cleaning aid? But no, inside the small box was the temptation of the week: dozens and dozens of mini cupcakes. And here’s where I get a little ashamed: As a cupcake enthusiast, I immediately ID’ed those treats as Crumbs cupcakes. (Sad story: I could even identify the flavor of most I saw in that box.)
And I became immediately depressed when Ali told the contestants — via DVD — that each cupcake has 100 calories. (Oy vey. That’s an extra day at the gym for me!) Every cupcake the contestants ate would add five minutes onto another player’s time for the challenge. And just what was the challenge? Like on their first day at the ranch, the contestants would be biking a marathon. (The winner would nab $10,000.) Impressive yes, but not nearly as impressive as the folks last season who had to run a marathon, right?
NEXT: One of these contestants has intestines of steel