Justin Kirkland
September 06, 2017 AT 09:38 PM EDT

Listen, y’all. I care about you, and you might care about me or this recap or at minimum Julie Chen, maybe, so let’s be honest about the world. In these times, more often than not, we have to choose the best of the worst. Politics. Summer blockbusters. Pop diva albums of 2017. It only makes sense that Big Brother would follow suit. And you know what? This week, it may just be — ugh. Excuse me, that was me choking a little bit because the name I was about to say was Josh.

If you missed last episode, sit down, child; let’s talk. Somehow, Paul convinced literally everyone to throw the HOH competition to Christmas with the intention of eliminating someone in the house other than the person he was talking to. Any other season, this would be a ludicrous strategy, but this season? Hell, sure, why not? You know what? It works. So everyone throws it, with the true plan being to eliminate either Alex or Jason. And when Christmas actually makes her move, Jason and Alex still kind of think that they might be fine because everyone deserves a second chance…I guess.

Paul immediately leans in and tries to make Jason feel safe. And in one of the biggest twists of the season, Jason…might be…on to him? I know. It sounds bonkers, but guys — the man said it himself. In a season where not volunteering to be a pawn is the bar for a “decent player,” realizations like this qualify a houseguest for outstanding gameplay.

And it’s only compounded when Kevin tells Jason that either Jason or Alex is going home. Jason goes to Josh to call him out, and Josh begins to stumble when Jason starts pointing out the obvious. Paul hops back into the conversation to announce that he thinks he’s going to be backdoored.

When Jason calms himself down a bit, he tells Christmas that he’s going to trust her even though she explicitly said that he was her target. It makes absolutely no sense, but Christmas is loving it because that means if they can win veto, then Paul they will continue to stay in charge. And with no reason to believe that anyone will question him, Paul decides to convince them, THE NOMINEES, to throw the veto competition to him. They’re super down for it. Josh steps in, Jason confronts him by saying, “I hear you have an alliance with Christmas,” and there’s an awkward silence before Jason laughs and says, “Just kidding.”

It sets off some alarms for Josh, so he pulls Christmas aside to talk to her about Paul, but she almost immediately shuts that down because Christmas needs Paul and Josh as insurance for the final two. When the team makes its choices for the veto competition, Christmas wants anyone but Kevin to play because Kevin can wait. But of course, Kevin is the first person chosen, followed by Raven. And then Jason gets houseguest choice, and his options aren’t the best: Paul or Josh. He chooses Paul because who doesn’t love being able to seal their own fate?

This veto competition is a big one. Poor Bobby Moynihan was forced to sell his soul to promote his new series, Me, Myself & I, so the winner will choose a guest and go behind the scenes of the show. As if that weren’t enough, Bobby is forced to go in the house and interact with the houseguests. The best part is that after meeting them, Bobby goes to the diary room to reveal that he, too, thinks all these people are idiots for not eliminating Paul. The stars are just like us! For showing up and dealing with these people, Bobby gets to drop info on his new show, premiering Sept. 25 on CBS (wink, wink).
(Recap continues on page 2)

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