Frank is breaking every kindergarten rule that’s ever existed:
- Keep your hands to yourself.
- Don’t call people names.
- Don’t take things that don’t belong to you.
And y’all — you can’t just be breaking rules without going to time-out, and by time-out, I mean that seat across from Julie Chen. Last time we were in the house, Bridgette had won HOH, which means Frank had won HOH (kindergarten rule no. 3), which means chauvinism won HOH (kindergarten rules no. 1 and no. 2). Victor’s inevitable cloud of AXE body spray and false confidence had barely faded, and like a Pokémon Go character you can’t seem to escape, Tiffany’s paranoia and whininess appeared — begging to be caught, discarded, and transferred to Professor Oak. Frank takes no time in sitting Bridgette on his knee and testing out just how easily he can be her puppeteer. A Bridgette win could have been interesting, but if Bridgette had her way, no one would get evicted because she just wants everyone to be friends!
Frank immediately tells Da’Vonne he’ll have Bridgette put up Bronte and Tiffany, and have Paul with the Good Beard as a backup, which is unfortunate because we’re all just coming around to how great Paul can be. Diet Vanessa knows she’s practically nominated because of the argument she had with Frank, and that kind of works because Bridgette is already thinking of Tiffany. But she’s also considering nominating Nicole (who has been sort of lackluster so far, am I right?) and Corey. Frank puts an end to that real quick — Corey is his “buddy,” because of course he is. That’s when he plants Paul’s name into the equation, and just like that, the beard is back on the block.
But back to Corey and Nicole — sometimes history just loves to repeat itself. First round, Nicole found Hayden, and this season it seems more and more obvious that Corey is next on the radar. She says she doesn’t want to be distracted, but honestly, she’s not helping herself out. It seems like I’m being hard on Nicole and letting Corey slide by, but guys… Nicole is a smart girl. Corey is very pretty…or so he thinks. The biggest issue going on right now seems to be Frank, who proclaims he’s the most attractive guy in the house. That is unfortunate in itself because to be honest, Frank looks exhausted. But if the vanity weren’t enough, it seems he’s taken it upon himself to be this season’s capital offender. You know, casual jerk stuff, like telling girls they’re fat or sluts or hussies.
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Frank’s Disaster Tour 2016 starts to come to a head when he tells Da’Vonne to “shut your damn mouth, woman.” She holds it together for a while, but the next time Frank and Da’Vonne cross paths, he smacks her on the butt, and she loses it. Frank, showing up with 2008’s favorite high-school boy’s haircut and absolutely no understanding of how to interact with another human, seems SHOCKED she’s upset. She tells him it’s fine and to just leave her alone. In the diary room, she says she doesn’t want to be seen as a loose cannon, but she doesn’t want it to seem like it’s ever okay for a guy to treat a woman like that. And if she can hold it together, I’m looking forward to her going full-on Jennifer Lopez in Enough and sending him out next week.
NEXT: Not enough Hot Cheetos in the world…