Rome. Byzantine. Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris. All empires eventually fall.
So it’s no big surprise Big Brother’s first large-scale alliance of the season is beginning to crumble. That’s right — in the short time it took Beanie Vanessa to evolve into the less-exciting version of herself, a.k.a. Fedora Tiffany, the Eight Pack has lost steam. But as far as we know, the plan is still to shut down the lone wolf formerly known as the Puerto Rican Sensation. Heading into tonight’s live eviction, Victor had been pegged for the long walk home, but anything can change. Let’s recap.
As the veto ceremony ends, we find out Paul loves Victor but ultimately doesn’t care at all about Victor hitting the door over him — Paul is out for Paul, and you have to love that. Victor’s not out yet, though. He dials into Natalie and James because they’re on Team Unicorn. Unfortunately, the team system has literally never mattered, so that’s a sad time for ol’ Vic. Do you know what Victor should focus on? The fact Tiffany is literally bonkers.
She’s bouncing around, throwing Frank (who is in her alliance) under the bus for being vaguely chauvinistic so the other girls will throw him out. It feels like a solid Diet Vanessa strategy, but if you remember, Vanessa was essentially playing the game with a house of idiots, sooo… Meanwhile, dark horse Bridgette ran over to Frank and tried to clue him in by throwing Tiffany under the Frank train REAL hard.
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Frank then relays back to “his boys” that the girls are getting a little too smart for their own good, so the collective gentlemen debate whether Tiffany should leave instead. The issue is, Frank isn’t doing himself any favors by trying to bring Paulie into the Eight Pack. It’s actually kind of reinforcing Tiffany’s point… even though I swear on a floater’s life vest that I would NEVER publicly defend Tiffany. Frank decides to tell him about it, but the rest are not thrilled about it. Oh, Frank. Da’Vonne 2.0 plays it super cool when he tells her, but she’s ready to end Frank’s run at the first opportunity. ASIDE: Just in case I never get another opportunity to say it, I am loving Da’Vonne’s game this season.
NEXT: Double dating with Da’Vonne
Elsewhere, Paulie heads over to Zakiyah to canoodle/talk strategy, and it seems Frank and Tiffany are starting to fall out of favor. But the issue with this reshuffling disaster is that Zakiyah wants to align with Paulie, Nicole wants to align with Corey, and they’ll have Da’Vonne along because they like her. This is also known as my dating life from 2009 to 2015, and let me tell you, going to Olive Garden’s Never Ending Pasta Bowl® night with two couples pretty much ruins the experience, no matter how many breadsticks you get.
But the real reason we’re here is for the eviction. Bronte gives a speech, as if she’s relevant. Victor plugs his Instagram. Tiffany leverages her presence in the house with a hair straightener and then cries. Okay, she doesn’t cry. But then again, she’s probably crying inside. At the end of the day, nothing can save Victor, who essentially got no air time this week because it’s week two and getting evicted in week two makes you irrelevant. Goodbye Puerto Rican Sensation — it’s like we barely got a chance to know Vincent as a real person. Oh, his name was Victor? My bad. Even Julie pans his game because Julie is SAVAGE.
We shift over to the Head of Household competition, which is tennis-themed because Wimbledon! Isn’t that nice? It’s your standard random-ball-that-falls-into-a-random-hole competition, so who knows if there’s actual skill involved. There’s random court boys who collect the balls each round, so there’s still hope for those of us not loud/sexy enough to actually get cast on Big Brother. It’s our chance to, you know, play a small part in the show. Pretty quickly, all the returners are eliminated, which is nice because it’s going to take a forced win for a newbie to be relevant this season. The final four players are Bridgette, Tiffany, Paul, and Natalie, but it’s ultimately Bridgette who reigns victorious. That means Bridgette, Frank, Michelle, and Paulie are all automatically safe, but it also means a member of this season’s most-easily mocked alliance, “The Spy Girls,” is in charge.
So here we are, seemingly at the end of one Eight Pack dynasty, and the newly crowned leader is… Bridgette. The good part is this week could go in any direction, but the bad news is the direction will probably be heavily influenced by whomever is speaking loudest. So who do you think is going to be nominated? Do you think Bridgette’s “big brother” (lowercase, because, hello) Frank will influence it? And what would your Spy Girl name be? Mine would probably be Wine Drunk Spy or Slightly Skeptical of Your Well-Intentioned Compliment Spy. Who knows — meet me back here on Sunday, and we’ll talk about Bridgette and how much I love Paul, even though he’s pseudo-awful.