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'Big Brother' recap: You know nothing, Budget Jon Snow

Posted on

CBS

Big Brother

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
tvpgr:
TV-14
seasons:
18
performer:
Julie Chen
broadcaster:
CBS
genre:
Reality TV

Look up. Look at the heavens, y’all. Do you see it? Jozea isn’t up there. Do you know why? Because he was a false prophet.

That’s right. After our first eviction, Jozea — the self-proclaimed messiah — is done. Never in all my years of watching Big Brother have I seen so many people commit to such a shady alliance since the uncomfortably prejudiced summer of season 15, back when Aaryn and Amanda ruled. Let that serve as a lesson, because even when that alliance took a hard hit, they rebounded and had players show up late in the game. But let’s not make assumptions — let’s just focus on what’s going on now.

The last time we saw our babies, they were fighting for immunity. Well, everyone except for Natalie, because she’s about as agile as a weeble-wobble with vertigo. But back at camp, Paul with the Good Beard is super sad that his homegirl, Jozea (I’m just going to not comment on everything wrong with this…) is gone. So Paul and Victor (or as I prefer to call him, “the poor man’s Kit Harrington”) are hungrier for an HOH than ever before. But Big Brother is kind of a team sport this season, so the only way you can succeed in an HOH competition is when your team does decent as a whole. And if you remember, even if your team does well, you still have to decide which member of the team is going to get HOH. So that’s when strategy comes in, which is why Tiffany bails for her team — because she’s slow as smoke off… um, you get it. Corey falls off next, though, knocking the Freakazoids out.

And on the selfish side of the fence, James bails from the competition, knocking himself and the rest of his team (including Budget Jon Snow) out. That all leads to Cody’s slightly more aggressive brother, Paulie, winning HOH. That means the Eight Pack is all set while Paul with the Good Beard is (still) in the hot seat. It seems Paulie drank the Eight Pack Kool-Aid REAL hard, because he’s all about throwing out all of Jozea’s disciples out ASAP. And speaking of Jozea’s disciples, Natalie has already launched into crying about Paulie’s victory because she, you know, tried to vote him out of the house. Bronte and Paul hang back, trying to collect themselves after they realize Zakiyah and Da’Vonne tricked them, but like… that’s what happens when you wear daisy chains on your head and akin everything to a low-key sixth-grade algebraic equation.

Budget Jon Snow tries to pull the most obvious move possible, which is to point out that if they send out another guy (himself), the women have the power to go all Vagina Monologues and throw out all of the men. It’s both the most annoying — yet predictable — plan of action possible for Victor. Paulie, being a little smarter than I gave him credit for, hones in on Paul with the Good Beard to try and put tension between he and Victor. Oh, Paulie. You do you, baby boy.

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Elsewhere, on the inside of the Eight Pack, James is pulling all the flirtation stops with essentially every girl in the house. Personally, I’m rooting for a Zakiyah/James showmance, but I’m just spitballing. Even with all the flirting and tomfoolery, the traditional Sunday episode format lets us know that at minimum, tonight’s Big Brother is for nominations — we see Paul and Bronte’s pictures pop up on the screen. At first glance, it’s a bit surprising because… where’s Victor? But honestly, it makes sense, because that leaves all the room in the world for a big backdoor for Victor. Almost immediately, Bronte is off the Paul/Victor train. And like, I know he’s the worst. I know he made a poor decision siding with Jozea. But, like… I’m strangely into Paul with the Good Beard, in my own way. Can you imagine how many snacks you can hide in that beard? BEAR WITH ME, OKAY.

NEXT: 1, 2, skip a few, 99, 18

[pagebreak]

Back at safety station, Corey launches into how much he loves Christmas. Apparently, last year he spent more than $600 on Christmas decorations… let that sink in. I’ve not been a big fan of Corey for a number of reasons, but if I can get behind anything, it’s the Christmas spirit. From this moment on, he shall be referred to as Christmas Corey.

But not even Santa Claus can save you from the BB Roadkill RV. Again, I reiterate, I think BB Roadkill is handily one of the worst twists in existence, because spending any time in an RV is essentially inhumane, in my opinion. But inside the RV of Floater Nightmares this week, to succeed you only have to be able to add. That’s right… if you’re literally able to add numbers up to 18, you can win. Unfortunately, no one from this season ever passed anything past algebra (even Bronte!). Except for Victor, that is. As champion of simple addition, Victor now has the ability to appoint his own nominee, but is it enough to keep him out of harm’s way?

Victor immediately tells Paulie he won, because Victor is a disaster-and-a-half when it comes to playing Big Brother. Not only did he align himself with the most obnoxious person in the house, but now he’s going around letting all his frenemies know he won the competition that could send him home. Listen, Victor… word of advice from someone who will never have the chiseled core to get cast on any season of Big Brother — stop. Stop talking entirely. Go do some crunches or eat celery or just… focus on your breathing. Do anything but tell the HOH, who is not in your alliance, that you won the competition that could derail his plans. Ugh, these people exhaust me.

But as the episode ends, Paul and Bronte sit all Thelma-and-Louise style on the nomination couch as the wheel of potential nominees spins around. As the faces go by, they slow and stop on Tiffany, who throws her most Vanessa face to date. She joins Paul with the Good Beard and Bronte on the couch for her week of nomination shame. Da’Vonne is over it from the get-go because if you come for the Eight Pack, you might as well come for Da’Vonne herself.

So there’s that. Another day, another nomination (or three), and in the grand scheme of the week, it would seem Tiffany is the safest of the three nominees — but then, who is most likely to get voted out this Thursday? Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself… maybe we should just be thinking about what happens if/when Victor wins the POV. Who knows? Hit the comments section with your thoughts on Victor, Paulie, and Corey’s love of Christmas until we meet back here this Wednesday with a new veto and (likely) a new nominee.

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