16 house guests.
500 million tears.
2 buy backs.
If this season has been anything, it’s a numbers game. But Corey’s gone, the bottle of champagne is popped, and the only number that matters now is the final three —Your Boy Paul™, James, and Nicole. The final house guests fill up a few glasses of champagne to celebrate, but with celebration also comes reflection. Nicole stumbles into the bedroom to discover Corey has forgotten his pillow with his dog on it. She’s scared because this is the point in the game where decisions have to be made. That’s not me being shady… those are Nicole’s actual words. And as scary as it is, Nicole is right. Decisions do have to be made, and it ultimately comes down to whomever ends up with that final HOH because Paul has deals with Nicole and James. James has a deal with Nicole and Paul. And I bet you can put together who Nicole has a deal with…
At the end of the day, Paul has no faith in anyone though. His words are basically just an insurance policy. James says he has every intent on following through with that plan, but let’s be honest, when is the last time James won a competition? Nicole on the other hand… who knows what her big glasses and wedge heels are going to do. The next morning though, the final three get to sit at the baby table — you know the one. They reflect on time (and tears) gone by. In a total unscientific assessment, I think the most tears were shed by:
Following the crying rundown, we get an abbreviated version of Paulie’s meltdown. Honestly, it’s a reminder that this season was a mess, but in a totally nondescript way. I don’t mean that as an insult, but as we do our look back, we see Paulie and Natalie’s blow up; Paulie and Michelle’s blow up; Paulie and Bridgette’s blow up; a quick peek at Paulie and Da’Vonne’s blow up. Do you sense a common thread? Like… things were consistently out of hand. And yet, Nicole argues that this summer (and her summer with Hayden, but, whatever) were the two best summers of her life. Can you imagine? We get a look back at James’ greatest [prank] hits, with a special appearance of Nicole and Corey attempting to prank each other by messing with each other in the shower. Do you know what I would give anything for, though? A feed of all the unedited diary sessions. We get a peek into the DRs we didn’t get to see, and it’s EVERYTHING because these house guests are weird, y’all. I’m talking making friends with plants, crying for no reason, burping on command kind of weird.
RELATED: Hear EW’s Emmy Predictions
We also get a look back at the season’s three major showmances, and no, I’m not talking about that sham of a showmance Paulie and Zakiyah put together. I’m talking about almost-love (James and Natalie), summer love (Nicole and Corey), and true love (Paul and Victor). At the end of the day, we learned James desperately tried to learn Spanish for Natalie, Nicole was easily offended by Corey, and Paul and Victor… well… that’s what ~forever~ looks like. But those six together? Pretty volatile.
But what we really came here for was the first part of the HOH competition: the last time Paul, James, and Nicole will go head to head. The final competition couldn’t be any more unassuming, though. The final three are dressed as cats with a giant litter box and three huge bowls of milk. Essentially, a laser runs around and the “cats” have to follow it around until it stops on one of three different endurance areas… once the laser goes off, the house guests have 15 seconds to get in position at whatever station the laser is at. At this point, they have to stay there until the laser moves again, and if a house guest falls, they’re out. And after a recap episode, that’s where we’re left… with three kitties hanging on for dear life. While those crazy cats chase the laser, we’re left scratching for one final HOH (okay, cat puns are over). Who are you rooting for? And who do you hope makes the final two? Do you think Da’Vonne and Paulie will survive each other’s wrath until finale night? Regardless, we’ll find out Wednesday night if it’s Paul, James, or Nicole who reigns victorious, and who will ultimately take the crown as winner of Big Brother.