I didn’t go into the locker room from sixth grade all the way to my junior year of high school. I didn’t know what happened in there, and honestly, I didn’t need to find out. Maybe if I did, I’d have a better grasp on what’s happening this week on Big Brother. What’s an eight pack? Would I be better at getting undressed at warp speed if I had practiced changing with my classmates? And if I had leveraged my time in physical education a bit more strategically, would my skills lead me to putting up a third nominee this week? Well, I’m not on Big Brother, you have no idea what I’m talking about, and my job is not to ponder on what-ifs — it’s to recap, so let’s get to it.
We open up back at the nomination ceremony, with Jozea 100-percent confident he’s not going home. Paulie is super chill about being a pawn, because girls are pretty and nice and fun to kiss for boys like Paulie. As clear-cut as the new player/veteran line is, all the new players seem to be pretty jazzed about not being nominated, reaffirming that the best alliance to be in is the one that has its keys on the wall. Upstairs, Paulie goes to visit Corey and Nicole to reassure himself that he’s safe, and Nicole apologizes to Cody through the camera because if Big Brother is known for anything, it’s the tried-and-true slogan, “Family first.”
Back downstairs, Jozea admits he was running around telling everyone he wanted Nicole out, but at the end of the day, he’s not scared of her because she’s just “that b-word.” Jozea, baby boy, you need to check yourself at the door because if you don’t, it will hit you in the other b-word on the way out. Da’Vonne runs to tell Nicole about his arrogance, but Jozea isn’t far behind. He pops in to talk to Nicole about how he’s not one to beg for safety. Nicole follows up REAL FAST to let Jozea know she’s not a “kisser butter,” which is a suck-up and not a brand of dairy product. Essentially, no progress was made for Nicole and Jozea’s BFF-ship.
All that nonsense leads us to the BB Roadkill Challenge, which is going to make Sundays SO MUCH MORE FUN. Essentially, the houseguests can compete in a competition each week in something I’m going to call the RV of Floater Nightmares. If won, your victory allows you to nominate someone (anonymously!) to be a third nominee for the week. It’s kind of like what happened in season 15 with that secret power, except Elissa isn’t going to get it every week. It’s hilarious because it causes the house’s emotional state to go into a tailspin — because as much as Julie encourages them to, they never expect the unexpected. Personally, I would hate to go into that RV because I’m claustrophobic, but we all have our issues. Everyone’s nerves are shot — except for Jozea, who has already put Frank up for nomination before he’s even played the challenge.
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Zakiyah and Da’Vonne sit together, and I audibly mutter, “Has there ever been two black women in the house at once?” and that’s when they point it out themselves. I don’t know why I’m so excited, but I am… and so is Da’Vonne, because she wants to bring Zakiyah into the fold. Zakiyah is game because she sees how bonkers these new players are. Next up is Michelle, who practically throws herself into Da’Vonne’s lap. One by one, Da’Vonne pulls the power group together: herself, Zakiyah, Nicole, James, Corey, Frank, Michelle, and Tiffany. They name themselves the Eight Pack because nothing can be enacted without an obnoxious name. I made an alliance with myself while sitting on my couch and named it Pony Keg.
NEXT: It pays to get naked, but, like, not in an illegal way