There’s some wise old adage about breaking a plate being like an apology. Essentially, you can break a plate (and you can break your word), but there’s always going to be a crack where it was originally broken. Or in Bridgette’s case, there’s going to be a dull ache every time it rains or snows or gets cold. If you watched tonight’s episode, you understand — if you didn’t, let’s get you caught up, because a lot changed in an episode where not much happened.
Remember when the veterans were going to stick together? And Nicole wasn’t going to play the game with a boy in mind? And Frank was likeable? Yes, the good ol’ days. But here we are, three weeks in, and Bridgette is in charge (?!), we’re all rooting for Paul Tyra-Banks-style, and I feel vaguely sorry Bronte is nominated. That’s where we pick up, by the way, with Bronte’s Roadkill nomination à la Frank’s win. No one’s taking this nomination well, even Tiffany, who is nervously asking people, “Are there bigger targets than me?” Diet Vanessa is not doing so hot, y’all. Meanwhile, Paul is having a great time. At this point, if someone sat in the nomination chair other than him, he might actually get upset. Let’s just say it all together: Paul is bae. Paul is America’s favorite. Paul can take all of our love, nestle it in his beard, and carry it to finale night if he wants.
But my favorite part of the whole episode happens before the episode can even fully get going. Bronte, devastated by her “dishonesty and secrecy,” reveals to the Spy Girls (the most pointless alliance ever) that she’s a secret mathematician (the most pointless secret ever). She’s legit crying, and when the other Spy Girls find out, they’re actually excited, as if they’ve been clued in on a real twist. Thinking he’s smelled a secret worth ruining, Frank stumbles in and talks about winning veto, being strong, running the house, etc. Bronte throws up a peace sign and says she just wants to survive. I actively leave the room to grab wine and avoid the rest of that conversation.
Elsewhere, James is on a mission to keep Natalie safe because they’re in house love. Between flirting, they actually talk game a little bit. James tells Natalie her guesses of Paul and Zakiyah winning Roadkill weren’t true, which leads Natalie to the real answer: Frank. Natalie is stunned, because Natalie spends most of her life stunned. She is clearly not a mathematician. She promises secrecy to James, but she has to take care of her girls because THEY’RE HER GIRLS. Frank, like an uncomfortably dominant father, comes in and demands James get off the phone and cook him burgers.
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Natalie takes the other Spy Girls into the bathroom, where they rub their face with exfoliant and talk game. Natalie does everything but scream out that Frank put Bronte up, but Bridgette immediately runs to Frank’s defense. Natalie, nearly biting her tongue in half, tells her she’s sure Frank will be fine, she guesses, maybe… But then we launch into the POV competition choosing, where Natalie and Paulie are chosen to participate. Da’Vonne and the once-powerful Fatal Five put two and two together (except for Michelle, who takes a bit longer) and realize that if Natalie wins, it leaves all of them in a potentially dangerous place.
NEXT: Sleeping with the enemy