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'Big Brother' recap: Boys Who Break Ankles, Break Alliances

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Bill Inoshita/CBS

Big Brother

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
tvpgr:
TV-14
seasons:
18
performer:
Julie Chen
broadcaster:
CBS
genre:
Reality TV

There’s some wise old adage about breaking a plate being like an apology. Essentially, you can break a plate (and you can break your word), but there’s always going to be a crack where it was originally broken. Or in Bridgette’s case, there’s going to be a dull ache every time it rains or snows or gets cold. If you watched tonight’s episode, you understand — if you didn’t, let’s get you caught up, because a lot changed in an episode where not much happened.

Remember when the veterans were going to stick together? And Nicole wasn’t going to play the game with a boy in mind? And Frank was likeable? Yes, the good ol’ days. But here we are, three weeks in, and Bridgette is in charge (?!), we’re all rooting for Paul Tyra-Banks-style, and I feel vaguely sorry Bronte is nominated. That’s where we pick up, by the way, with Bronte’s Roadkill nomination à la Frank’s win. No one’s taking this nomination well, even Tiffany, who is nervously asking people, “Are there bigger targets than me?” Diet Vanessa is not doing so hot, y’all. Meanwhile, Paul is having a great time. At this point, if someone sat in the nomination chair other than him, he might actually get upset. Let’s just say it all together: Paul is bae. Paul is America’s favorite. Paul can take all of our love, nestle it in his beard, and carry it to finale night if he wants.

But my favorite part of the whole episode happens before the episode can even fully get going. Bronte, devastated by her “dishonesty and secrecy,” reveals to the Spy Girls (the most pointless alliance ever) that she’s a secret mathematician (the most pointless secret ever). She’s legit crying, and when the other Spy Girls find out, they’re actually excited, as if they’ve been clued in on a real twist. Thinking he’s smelled a secret worth ruining, Frank stumbles in and talks about winning veto, being strong, running the house, etc. Bronte throws up a peace sign and says she just wants to survive. I actively leave the room to grab wine and avoid the rest of that conversation.

Elsewhere, James is on a mission to keep Natalie safe because they’re in house love. Between flirting, they actually talk game a little bit. James tells Natalie her guesses of Paul and Zakiyah winning Roadkill weren’t true, which leads Natalie to the real answer: Frank. Natalie is stunned, because Natalie spends most of her life stunned. She is clearly not a mathematician. She promises secrecy to James, but she has to take care of her girls because THEY’RE HER GIRLS. Frank, like an uncomfortably dominant father, comes in and demands James get off the phone and cook him burgers.

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Natalie takes the other Spy Girls into the bathroom, where they rub their face with exfoliant and talk game. Natalie does everything but scream out that Frank put Bronte up, but Bridgette immediately runs to Frank’s defense. Natalie, nearly biting her tongue in half, tells her she’s sure Frank will be fine, she guesses, maybe… But then we launch into the POV competition choosing, where Natalie and Paulie are chosen to participate. Da’Vonne and the once-powerful Fatal Five put two and two together (except for Michelle, who takes a bit longer) and realize that if Natalie wins, it leaves all of them in a potentially dangerous place.

NEXT: Sleeping with the enemy

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We jump into the POV competition, which is essentially a cooking contest based on memory and a series of ingredients. If you’re a fan of the show at all, you’ve seen it in multiple variations before. But this year, not only do you win the POV, but you also win an OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE DINNER. No, I didn’t hit caps lock by mistake. I’m talking about a sick Bloomin’ Onion with some friends and a poor excuse for an Australian accent — if that isn’t a contest worth winning, then you’re not a friend worth having.

The contestants talk about their techniques for memory games, including backgrounds in music and math. Non-mathematician Natalie is immediately eliminated, but in a sad turn of events, self-proclaimed smart girl Bronte is out, too. She’s followed by Paulie, a series of hilarious laughs from Paul with the Good Beard, and eventually Tiffany. After Tiffany’s exit, James and Frank make absolutely no effort to hide their excitement, meaning the showdown between Paul and Bridgette hardly matters. But after the final explosion, Paul’s recipe blows up in his face (and beard), leaving Bridgette as the winner of a second competition this week. To celebrate, Frank and Bridgette do a congratulatory jump that ends with Frank body-checking her into a sprained ankle. If Frank is dependable for one thing this season, it’s causing women emotional — and now, physical — harm.

Back in the house, Bridgette is on crutches, Paul is in his underwear, and Tiffany is in tears. Tiffany is just like Vanessa, if Vanessa were awful at Big Brother. In the bathroom, the Spy Girls are talking about taking Bronte off the block, and Bridgette agrees to remove Bronte. That’s when Natalie jumps in and says she’d be cool with it, but she can guarantee that she’d go up… They ask her if she knows who the Roadkill winner was, but Natalie is like, “NO OMG LEAVE ME ALONE BYE.” So Bronte goes to the next best source: James. Unfortunately, he’s not interested in helping either. Poor Spy Girls.

On a lighter note, Bridgette brings everyone into the living room to talk about Outback Steakhouse. She reveals she can bring another team member along, and when she reveals Big Sister will be accompanying her, Da’Vonne LOSES HER MIND. Da’Vonne and I have similar feelings about Outback Steakhouse, honestly. Anyway, for like five minutes, it’s just a solid advertisement for Outback. (I’m not usually one for embedded marketing, but I’d kill someone for a Bloomin’ Onion right now.) Bridgette is just excited to have Frank and Da’Vonne together because she’s convinced this will bring peace to the house, though while inside, Natalie and James discuss how Frank is a monster.

And speaking of that monster, Frank and Bridgette roll up into the HOH bed together, where Bridgette puts her head on a man’s chest for the first time. Sadly, that man is Frank. Seeing this as an opportunity, he reveals to Bridgette that he nominated Bronte. Bridgette is super chill about it. Then, feeling really good about this moment, Frank reveals he nominated Bridgette back in week 1. SHE THANKS HIM. Guys, my mind has been a little blurry since I first saw that Bloomin’ Onion, so correct me if I’m wrong, but… isn’t that absolutely insane? I haven’t seen this kind of ineptitude over a man since my friend got married during our junior year of high school because why put love on pause. Actually, I know the answer, but for sake of the argument, let’s make a bulleted list:

  • Frank nominated Bridgette
  • Frank took over Bridgette’s HOH
  • Frank nominated Bridgette’s alliance member
  • Frank broke Bridgette’s ankle
  • Frank has bad hair

Okay, sweet. I know that last bullet was more subjective, but I wanted to cover my bases. Just making sure I got that right. If I missed anything, let me know in the comments.

We move into the Veto meeting, where Bridgette hilariously offers the nominees a chance to convince her Frank’s love isn’t real. Paul with the Good Beard laughingly jokes about friendship. Tiffany folds. And Bronte just lets Bridgette make the call, which ultimately means Bridgette leaves everything as is. Bronte feels nervous, but safe. Paul doesn’t care because even if he is safe, he’ll probably just get nominated again. And Tiffany cries, which is fair, because she’s probably going home… that is, unless Da’Vonne is able to flip the house. Fortunately, we’ll see it all play out tomorrow on eviction night. Who’s going to be joining Julie? And do you think Da’Vonne really has a chance to flip the house? Hit the comments and let us know.

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