[It is I, your third recapper, arguably the Kathy Najimy of EW’s Big Brother trio! I’m covering Wednesdays, a.k.a. Veto Night, a.k.a. the dramatic mad rush wherein everyone tries to stack their last-minute gameplay and cash in social chips and do everything they can to avoid the absolutely hilarious have-not room.]
We pick up in the aftermath of the Battle of the Block, where Steve and Jackie are up for eviction after failing to build a foam skyscraper, despite Steve’s many ostensible hours playing SimCity and Jackie’s familiarity with the word “city.” Steve is absolutely distraught and spends the episode vocalizing his fear that he’s a target, not a pawn, while Jackie is cool and collected. (Is it my volume or is Jackie super loud? Second opinion, please.)
Contrary to Steve’s fears, the real plan for the vote is based on an alliance that…actually hasn’t even been formed yet. James and newly dethroned (but never de-accented) Jason crunch the house numbers and realize they need seven votes in order to backdoor their target: Jace. They’ve already got Audrey and Da’Vonne, so James begins “scooping people up” to complete their alliance. (Fact: It’s probably never a good idea to build your alliance with a strategy akin to Ben & Jerry’s or whatever brand makes cat litter. I want to say Uniqlo?)
James decides he wants Meg because she has a good personality (which she does) and looks like Taylor Swift (which she doesn’t). He also wants Clay, who he finds in the pantry, where he is arguably at his most vulnerable. (I like to think that Clay likes to steal away to the pantry in the dead of night to look at carbs and lick the extra salt from the edges of resealed bags of pita chips, but he may also consume some select foods as well.)
The scooped alliance of six meets in the HoH room and everyone feels really good about it—except for Da’Vonne, who thinks the group is shaky and not going to last. It’s skeptical, yes, but based on the rest of the episode, it’s also insanely prescient. Could Da’Vonne be our season’s most omni-wise soothsayer?!
Now, if Jace wasn’t already going home, his decision to STREAK ACROSS THE BACKYARD like a fratty homeless Grant Gustin has convinced the house that he’s pointless. In the little we’ve seen of Jace on broadcast, he’s already got the loud mouth of Zach Rance but with none of the charm, so I can only imagine what you live-feeders are experiencing. Austin, as one of Hogwarts’ wisest centaurs, warns Jace that people are getting annoyed with his behavior and encourages him to go hash it out with the HoH.
Jace and Austin then find themselves in a room with James and this season’s HoH Ur-Lurker, Audrey, who entertains their idea of a big move by half-heartedly suggesting Jason goes home. It’s like giving a mouse a cookie because Jace and Austin suddenly think they’re in a full-blown alliance with James and a hilariously bored Audrey. Truly, nothing is sadder than watching two mismatched bros trying to name an alliance that 50 percent of the members aren’t actually in. They toss around names like “The Cloud Nine Alliance” and “The Cloud Squad” before finally settling on “Cloud Town,” which they feel “really good about” but would probably feel better about if they had chosen something artsy like The IT Cloud or Extremely Cloud and Incredibly Close.
When it’s time to choose veto players, James is relieved that neither Jace nor Austin is picked. Instead, they pull Becky (who is excited to break in her new pair of hiking Keds), John (who is excited to breathe air and contemplate the plateaus of mankind’s technological amelioration), and Houseguest’s Choice (who is Jason, thanks to a forward-thinking Steve).
James picks Austin to host—a smart choice, to make him think they’re still close, but also a silly one, since James is essentially raising the stakes for his own betrayal. It’s an inevitability that Cloud Town will soon be smoked out, much like a brisket, convict, or high schooler’s Honda during lunch hour.
NEXT: Counting with Da’Vonne