Ian had been waiting for this moment since he was ten. A video “love message” from Season 12 & 13’s buxom, so-fake-I’m-real, Vegas-in-a-bottle, Rachel Reilly!?! Not so much. But more on that later…
First, let’s recap the recap.
Last Thursday’s episode had us all wondering what went on behind the scenes during the double eviction which led Dan to put up Danielle on the block as a replacement for Ian, and ultimately Chef Joe going buh-bye.
Here’s what went down: After Dan won HOH (post Frank’s au revoir), he told Ian that he had to go up on the block with Joe as a pawn in order not to expose their “Renegades” alliance [Insert cheesy gun shot noise]. Dan then turned around and told Dani, Shane and Jenn that he was going to put up Joe and Ian, with the plan being to evict Ian if the nominations ended up staying the same after the POV. When Ian won the POV in what he called “the best feeling I’ve had in my entire life” and Dan was forced to replace Ian with another nominee, Dan wanted to make another power play by targeting Shane. With the seconds ticking away before Dan had to name his replacement, Dani pled her case to keep Shane safe, clarifying to Dan that Shane would never put up or backstab either of them (Dan or Dani), nor would he ever tell Ian that Dan had made a play to get Ian evicted earlier that night. In a moment of weakness, Dan caved in and accordingly, “Danielle saves her boyfriend for one more week.”
After Chef Shouts-A-Lot was evicted 3-0, Dan decided it was time for damage control. While making the case that putting up Danielle never put her anywhere close to harm’s way came as a breeze, Dan even managed to manipulate Dani into believing that HE did HER a favor by putting her up on the block instead of Shane. “That was my shot to take out Shane. That’s on you now. You’re staying. But I kept him because you wanted to keep him. Just so you know. I did that for you.” All I could think of during that speech was how Dan must talk to his poor wife when he wants her to make him dinner.
As Dani likes to say, “OMG.” As she actually said, “I know why he put me up, but it’s still scary.” WTF is Danielle smoking? I’m guessing it’s buff and rhymes with “pain.” To absolutely no surprise, Dani immediately ran and told Shane that she went up because she convinced Dan not to put up Shane, because putting her up would ensure that Joe would be voted out and that her knight in shining armor would hath remain to see the live long day for yet another week. In a scene from the cutting room floor, Shane bowed, knelt down on one knee, kissed Danielle’s hand and proclaimed, “Thank you milady.”
By now, it’s clear that Shane isn’t going to take his relationship with Danielle to the next level. But like Frank, Shane’s game seems to be held back by his loyalty. As we know, just like slop, loyalty is a four-letter word in the Big Brother house. Shane is so ridiculously loyal to Danielle that by the transitive property he also seems to be automatically, unabashedly loyal to Dan as well. Does Shane have any clue what the transitive property is? Of course not. But neither do I.
NEXT: Let’s talk Trump. Thankfully, not the Donald.