Dan can barely contain himself. Every few minutes, Frank comes up to him with a new elaborate scheme to protect the Greater Glory of the Frank/Dan alliance. “I’m a little bit concerned that, if I win the veto, you’ll get put up in my place,” says Frank thoughtfully. “If you win the veto, you should take Jenn off the block, not me” says Frank considerately. “You know what, maybe I should just throw the veto,” says Frank suicidally. Whenever Frank says this stuff, Dan nods his head and gets a sober expression on his face. He might even look around anxiously, doing his best Jason Bourne impression, radiating concern.
Then Dan flees into the Diary Room and has a good long laugh. He barely seems to believe his own luck. Frank is Dan’s number one competitor in the house. Frank is possibly the only player left in the game that could carry the jury vote over Dan — assuming that Dan’s role as this season’s Keyser Söze remains unrevealed at jury time (although if Frank goes home tomorrow, the Jury House will quickly become the headquarters of the Dan-Haters’ Alliance.) Dan has had Frank in his sniper scope the entire summer. And now, Frank is walking directly up to Dan, helpfully pointing the sniper rifle directly at his heart, and then asking Dan if it would be better for his game if he used a bazooka, instead.
I went into last night’s episode hoping that Frank could pull yet another rabbit out of his hat and win the veto competition. I think it was William Shakespeare who wrote the famous phrase, “Some Big Brother players are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” Frank is Mr. Thrust-Upon. He has lived his Big Brother life on the block, . That is a nasty place to live. Being in the crosshairs has made him a mean, even nihilistic competitor, constantly aware that he is just one slip-up away from being sent home. It also drove him right into the waiting arms of his coach, Mike Boogie — a player whose influence probably made Frank an even bigger target. (Everyone wanted Mike Boogie evicted the second he walked in the door.)
But Frank has persevered. More than that, he has triumphed. He has lain astride the HoH thronebed three weeks this season — the most of any player. Frank is not a very strategic player — or anyhow, he doesn’t tend to consider the long game. I’m inclined to say that he plays the game very intuitively. And in his heart of hearts, he must have known that something was a bit off in the Dan/Frank alliance. He told Dan that he wanted to be off the block, that he was scared to throw the veto. He begged Dan, “Don’t vote me out son.”
Dan looked him in the eyes and said, “Dude, I swear I won’t. I swear on my Bible. I swear on my wedding ring. I swear on this picture of Abraham Lincoln. I swear on my bandana collection. Actually, I call them ‘Dandanas.’ Get it?” Then Dan and Frank had a good laugh, and Frank walked outside to soak up some sun, and Dan pulled out a voodoo doll with a big ginger fro and stabbed it a several times in the back with a shiv constructed out of Baby Zingbot’s fingers. “You’re making it easier for me to stab you in the back!” Dan exclaimed. “Why are you making it so easy?”
The most tragic part about the Dan/Frank alliance — let’s call it “Dank,” shall we? — is that Frank believed in it so much that he didn’t even realize this week’s veto competition marked the final showdown with his most bitter nemesis.
NEXT: Otev, the Absent-Minded Alien