”Big Brother” recap: Too much information
I kind of dug how Parker looked peeved at the end.
Not that I mean to take anything away from his rage. Parker earned the right to pout and stew on Julie’s eviction couch, especially when insipid little twits like Natalie and Adam were still sitting pretty inside the Big Brother house (and no, I didn’t accidentally forget to include Amanda, but more on her later). Still, Parker’s priceless reaction — along with his loss of control after being stuck with an airhead like Jen — has made this couples twist one of the best in BB history. Yep, I actually just endorsed the notion of forcing an intolerant buffoon like Adam to team up with an impatient cougar like Sheila, and evicting an appealing dude like Parker as part of the price of losing a twerp like Jen.
No, I don’t really expect you to agree. I already feel like I’m in the minority when I try to compliment this latest edition; even fellow EW staffers who live and die by this show are ready to throw up their hands and hold out for the summer edition (as if the dog days of July will actually produce a more palatable group of narcissists, but whatevs). ”I hate these people,” whined one of my colleagues. ”Every season they’re pinheads, but at least they’re interesting pinheads. It feels like they cast this one by hanging out at a Boston mall for an afternoon and pulling people out of Spencer Gifts.”
Ratings aren’t bad, but they aren’t exactly smokin’ (it doesn’t help that BB has to go against American Idol): The show is averaging around 6 million viewers and actually dropped to 5.4 million on Feb. 19. Basically, that’s on par with the summer but not the kind of ratings a network dreams about during the traditional September-to-May season. Too bad, because I’d hate to see CBS get impatient with the so-so performance and stage a triple-elimination week so they can get back to originals of Shark by late March. I want to see what happens now that Allison’s alone with Ryan. I want to see Amanda get out of the hole she dug for herself by spreading gossip she couldn’t substantiate.
Ah, Amanda. I don’t know why I’ve warmed to this seemingly harmless helium breather, but I can’t take my eyes off of her. (Or maybe I just can’t stop staring at her ridiculously muscular butt. Does that girl eat, sleep, and work in a perpetual squat position?) Maybe it’s because she candidly admitted that her dad committed suicide. Or maybe she garnered my sympathy after Alex called her a slut simply because his affection for her was unrequited. Whatever the reason, I found myself feeling sorry for Amanda when Chelsia and Joshuah lit into her last night, even though I wasn’t particularly offended when he made a comment about her daddy’s cause of death. It’s gonna take a helluva lot more than tasteless suicide jokes before anyone comes remotely close to sounding like that Dick from BB8. Even Amanda seemed more troubled by Joshuah’s comment about her resembling the likes of Barbaro than by his thoughtless swipe about her pa.
NEXT: Secrets and lies
Then again, idiotic outbursts have become a welcome tradition in this BB house. After making the surprising decision to reveal her secret relationship with Ryan last week, Jen made the boneheaded decision to tell Sheila that her boyfriend is a racist. The cougar, quite predictably, took the information back to Ryan, who then confronted his stuttering girlfriend. (How much would you pay to see Ryan watch the video that will actually prove that his gal pal is a lying sack of poo?) Didn’t matter what she said, really; the revelation of her prior relationship — and her big mouth — sealed the deal and got her and Parker evicted by a 3 to1 vote. Obviously, Ryan got over his anger about the racist line or the two wouldn’t have slobbered all over each other before she left the house — but I do hope this relationship will end. Allison, who clearly has a thing for Ryan, will likely work her magic on the big lug in the coming weeks, though that means she’ll have to put an end to her hilarious ruse about being Sheila’s lesbian lover. Fun stuff, ladies, though I can’t say it’s exactly smart; we’ve seen what happens to couples who knew each other before the show began.
And speaking of those couples, most of you knew early on that Neil had to leave the show for an unspecified family matter and that Sharon would be allowed back in at Joshuah’s request. (I don’t always take the time to check out Big Brother After Dark, but I appreciate when you kids do, so keep the spoilers coming!) Sequestering the evictees suggests that CBS has something up its sleeve (the network has yet to offer them up to the media for exit interviews, so we know they’re being kept in the dark somewhere), but I didn’t like the idea of replacing a gay dude with a know-it-all hetero like Sharon. You mean dimwits like Matt and Natalie can get busy, but Joshuah can’t? Where’s the justice there, Grodner? And why stick Jen and Parker in sequester now, too? Is the jury already forming? So far, CBS won’t ‘splain.
There are plenty of other things that are in no need of further elucidation. Really, I didn’t need to know whether Alex drew strength from a freaking reality show, of all things, after his dad died on 9/11. I didn’t need to know how the bathroom subbed for a love nest for Jen and Ryan, or how Adam uses the word ”retard” to describe autistic kids. And I really, really didn’t need to know how that lout is a ”hooded warrior” who’s eager to drop trou for anybody who cares to inquire about his foreskin status. This cast has already demonstrated that it can provide plenty of entertainment just by arguing over stupid lies, so there’s no need for the producers to resort to gratuitous fare. (Unless, of course, Ryan hooks up with Allison in the bathroom. I may need to see that.)
So what do you think? What’s your theory about why CBS is sequestering the evictees? Will this season be shorter than normal? What’s your feeling about Amanda? And do you predict the cougar will make it to the final four?