What a horrifying week in the Big Brother house — and I’m not just talking about Sunday’s nontelevised re-enactment of Caligula. (We’ll get to that later.) Allison’s beeline to the diary room Tuesday was certainly an unexpected development. Did she want to quit? Was she hoping the producers would punish Sheila for her incessant yapping? Was she going to beg for the construction of an Olympic track in the BB backyard? Then I started hearing Allison’s plaintive wail about wanting an EpiPen and realized this chick was in some serious trouble. Nobody asks for an EpiPen unless they’re — well, I actually had no idea why anybody asks for an EpiPen until I WebMD’d it the following morning. Turns out if you have a history of allergic reactions — and serious fear of going into anaphylactic shock — you should request a shot of epinephrine. And that was only the beginning of this special ER edition of BB! Minutes later, Amanda was halfheartedly filing her acrylic nails while inquiring about Natalie’s confectionary delight when — bam! — Bueno Babe was out cold on the floor. To say that I was immediately consumed with fear and anxiety would be…a flat-out lie. I honestly thought Amanda was faking! When she started complaining about being hypoglycemic, my first reaction was ”You just hate the slop, beeyotch!” So I naturally assumed Amanda was trying to gain sympathy with a faux collapse so Natalie would relinquish her cookie.
Guess I was wrong. After multiple viewings of the broadcast, it appeared that Amanda did display the classic signs of moderate to severe hypoglycemia: irritability, trouble walking, loss of consciousness, seizures, and a serious aversion to shorts that cover her ass. Nurse Whats-Her-Name took a break from treating Allison’s dreadful case of the bloats to heap even more attention on Amanda, calling in not one but three medics to treat this mess of a gal. Thank God producer Allison Grodner saw fit to call in the pros — to say nothing of the relief that Alex must have felt (albeit fleetingly) to finally be rid of the woman who was single-handedly responsible for his not-so-surprising nomination.
But then…what’s this? They’re back? They’re actually back? I wasn’t entirely surprised by the return of Amanda, who’s starved not so much for sugar as for attention. But that poor, puffed-up, glad-to-be-alive Allison? Only when I launched a medical investigation of my own (thanks, Mom!) did I figure out that Allison must have felt comfortable enough about the origin of her allergic reaction (exercise induced, maybe?) that she didn’t consider the BB house to actually be a threat. So I guess I’ll have to see this incongruous medical time-out as nothing more than an opportune moment to bring a little kumbaya back into the house.
Yeah, for like a second! The compassion for Amanda’s fainting spell obviously didn’t last long, as she and Alex were drop-kicked last night by a unanimous vote. Makes me wonder whether Amanda might have saved herself had she chosen to slather whipped cream all over her chest so Chelsia could lick it off.
NEXT: The hot-tub orgy