First, some news you can’t use: Apparently, we have Barack Obama to thank for making sure this excruciating season will come to an end this Sunday and not sometime next week. Had the candidate agreed to debate Hillary, CBS would have bumped the finale for a Katie Couric-hosted CBS News special this Sunday, and we would have been forced to endure the so-called bromance between Ryan and Adam for a few more painful days. So thank you, Obama: This here Republican knew you were the right choice for president.
Before we jump ahead, though, one must take the time to look back: I can’t remember the last time in Big Brother‘s storied history when I approved of the final three, but I’m pleased to say that I finally did this time. Despite the incredible impatience and frustration I felt concerning this season’s entire herd of idiots, I was genuinely happy to see Adam, Sheila, and Ryan make it to the final week and earn their chance to play in the last head-of-household competition. I had nothing against Sharon, really; she turned out to be the nicest gal of the whole sorry lot, and despite her momentary lapse of judgment earlier in the season when she sucked face with Matt during that infamous bacchanal, she really had nothing to be embarrassed about since entering the house in February. And what more can anyone hope for, really, when signing up for a game like this? So congratulations, Sharon: You leave with your self-respect intact. Try not to flaunt it in front of that pitiful Naughty Nat.
Since we’re about to start making our picks for the finale this Sunday, we can look back to the events of last Wednesday, April 16, to help us decide who is really more deserving of the $500K. (Click here to watch episodes.) I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say Adam sealed his fate when he mouthed to Natalie that he voted for her to stay. I doubt if many jurors had been pulling for him — Ryan is far more likable — but Baller could have improved his chances had he just kept his mouth shut and stuck with his bromance’s strategy to keep Natalie in the dark about who voted against her. Now I’m convinced Natalie will report back to the jury about Adam’s wishy-washiness, which should prompt the jurors to grill Baller far more than Ryan about his duplicity throughout the game. There is only so much that Sheila can say about her beloved (yet cowardly) partner-in-crime. It could be a good finale.
On to Sunday, April 20. You know the producers were just giddy with delight over how their trick question about previous relationships put the final four in a tailspin. Poor, pitiful Sheila, thinking that she was somehow related to Ryan in some crazy parallel universe. (In fact, she’s probably still hoping that’s true, since he seems likely to win the $500K and then maybe he can fork over a loan. I wonder when Allison Grodner will crush Sheila’s world and expose the truth). Beyond those initial highlights, Sunday’s episode was bloody laborious, starting with Ryan’s declaration of love for his nasty gal pal, Jen (dude, she said you were racist before leaving the house!), which was followed by another lame movie night in the HOH room. I’m now fully accustomed to fast-forwarding through these advertiser-driven moments, mostly because any movie that’s endorsed by a BB houseguest is not worth seeing. These knuckleheads would give a unanimous thumbs-up to a Baby Einstein video, so I will hardly value their opinion about the next Ashton Kutcher starrer.
NEXT: Sheila and Adam’s chains of love