Post on the Big Brother message boards from Tad, dated Thursday, April 10, 11:04 p.m.: Lynette: You are a bad judge of character. Rooting for Natalie indicates that you are not paying attention to the show and its accessories (webcams show her giving Matt a –, followed by him pushing her away! And then she fawns all over him? Pathetic!) The only way I can figure your admiration is that you were in a similar situation, where you loved someone that didn’t reciprocate. You didn’t realize this until much later than your friends and family. Thinking back makes you cringe? Am I close?
Not even, bro, unless you count, say, George Clooney and one of the guys who played drums in my high school marching band. Otherwise, I’m really a happily married hen with a coupla towheaded kids — though I’m sporting a big chip on my shoulder right now because of last night’s B.S. ”fact or fiction” HOH competition. My dander was already up when I realized some the questions weren’t exactly rooted in reality — i.e. based on things the HGs actually saw or witnessed in the last two months — and therefore required them to take wild guesses. It’s one thing to have them acknowledge whether it was fact or fiction that Amanda faked her hypoglycemic seizure — after all, that happened right in front of them — but it’s quite another to have them speculate whether Chelsia was escorted by security out of the sequester house. And then, a question about whether a preexisting relationship still exists in the house?! Get real, producers! No one’s going to think about those idiotic guinea pigs (the correct answer) when the Chenbot specifically singled out the HUMANS who had previous ties (Jen and Ryan, Sharon and Jacob). Of course Sharon and Adam were right to say it was fiction, and yet Ryan gets rewarded the point for calling it a ”fact” — all because he suspected it was another trick question, not because he actually believed that any one of them had been previous pals. (I actually felt sorry for the HGs in the closing shots, as they desperately tried to figure out who might have familial ties. Seriously, Sheila? You think Ryan’s your cousin??) So Rye Bread won a point, the competition was then tied between him and Sharon, and the duo got, like, 10 seconds to crunch numbers for a tiebreaker that’s too lame to repeat here but allowed Rye Bread to win the HOH. Now he’s going to put up Sharon and Sheila for eviction on Sunday, and I’m paranoid as hell that Adam will end up booting Sheila because Sharon will get smart and start bawling in front of Baller — because nothing works better at manipulating Baller than bawling like a sniveling dimwit. Sigh. When’s this season over, again?
Back to Natalie, or, more importantly, Tad the doubter. Let’s get something straight, dude: I never actually admired this girl. In fact, her sexcapades pretty much had me pinching my nose since week 1, until someone on the message board quite literally told me to ”move on” because, after all, she only performed oral sex on Matty once (as if there’s some unspoken rule in TV that it’s OK to engage in perform oral sex in front of millions as long as it only happens once). Nevertheless, I moved on! But I also did it because Natalie was doing a pretty decent job of playing the game — that is, until she threw last week’s HOH comp and allowed Sheila to win instead.
Man, I hate it when the HGs make deals, especially this late in the show’s run. They cheat us of out of a genuine endurance competition (how long do you think Sheila could have stayed in the glass box, really?), to say nothing of how it ends up screwing the putz who agreed to the deal in the first place. Make no mistake, I wanted this competition to be over, and not just because listening to Natalie jabber on endlessly about being godly and fair was excruciatingly painful. I wanted Sheila to win because of her bravura performance during the competition. By playing the woe is me card (she misses her son, she’s desperate for a letter from home), Sheila shrewdly steered the attention away from the power of being an HOH and on to the silly, irrelevant perks that came with the privilege. Ryan and Sharon (not Adam — thanks, readers, for the correction — I was sleep-deprived when I wrote this) dropped like flies after hearing that! Granted, that might not have been Sheila’s actual strategy; perhaps she cared very little about being HOH and only really wanted a letter from her boy (however short, simple, and boring it was, but that’s a dude for you.) But it was genius, anyway. Question is, did Sheila honestly deserve the win? Might Natalie have won the comp had she not handed it to Sheila?
NEXT: The bathroom meeting