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Big Brother recap: The Hair Witch Project

The season’s most polarizing romantic pair gets split up, and the one left standing prepares for revenge

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Big Brother Rachel Brendon
Sonja Flemmimg/CBS

Big Brother

TV Show
Reality TV
Julie Chen
Current Status:
In Season

You have to admit that Rachel held her own in the Big Brother house. Sometimes, she even fought harder than that ”man” of hers. We have to respect her for at least that, right?

Well, not really. You don’t have to do anything, but perhaps we simply should. Maybe we should briefly forget her diary room confessions that left us all thinking, what the f— is wrong with my TV volume?!?. Maybe we should forgive the fact that she always referred to Brendon as ”her man,” the greatest crime not being her repetitiveness but rather her reference to that yutz as a ”man.” And just maybe we can let it go that she sometimes forgot to wear primetime-proper clothing. And why should we do all this? Well, because she was kind of a hoot.

Yes, Rachel’s gone, and like many of you (maybe?), I’m not sure what to feel. I don’t know whether to celebrate with some tequilllaaaa or cry (without actually producing tears, of course). I’ve come to the conclusion that she was a good, interesting competitor, but my sanity takes precedence. My tolerance for annoying people on television was reaching its limit. A person can only take so much strain three nights a week before they get hauled away by burly men in white.

Speaking of being committed, who knows what Rachel’s absence will do to poor, emotional Brendon. I half expected him to have a Falling Down-style meltdown in the middle of the HOH competition, which is now over and you can spoil for yourself here.

After all, he did try with every fiber of his freakishly hairless body to get Rachel to stay in the house, and all in the name of [swallows bile] love. ”If giving up a half million dollar for someone you love makes you an idiot, I guess I’m an idiot,” said the idiot. Sure, if Rachel and Brendon get married, have gaggle of little red-headed swimmers (merbabies?), I’ll eat my words. I just wouldn’t go preparing my place setting quite yet. That’s all I’m sayin’

If anyone in the house would agree with my skepticism about their relationship, it would probably be Britney, who told Rachel that Brendon hates women. She based this argument on the fact that he’s targeted only women in the game. Nice one, Brit. That kind of twisted logic will help you take people out of this game — and possibly get you elected to a number of political offices in the future.

Speaking of future careers, acting shouldn’t be one of Rachel’s. Was that scrunchy-faced look an attempt at crying, or was your Botox-starved face just getting used to movement again? Don’t worry; you’re out of the Big Brother house now. Nothing a shot won’t fix. Wait! Do dermatologists make home visits to the jury house? The drama never ends!

Next: No, seriously. It NEVER ends.