When this, the first full week of Big Brother 11, started, I wasn’t feeling the cast. In Sunday’s episode, they weren’t doing anything. No big fights, just some moping and sucking up by Lydia. No one was popping out as the crazy person that BB needs to make a memorable season. If I have so little going on that I can sit here three nights a week watching Big Brother, I clearly have my own dull house to see, I don’t need another. But I shouldn’t have been so impatient, because by Tuesday we were getting some delightful dysfunction.
On Sunday, the houseguests clung loyally to their clique stereotypes: Russell stormed around like a shirtless bully, stopping just short of handing out swirlies. (Hey, it’s only the first week!) And the Brains bonded over how humiliating their high school years were. Ronnie’s clearly were unpleasant. I mean, the guy works really hard to be the dictionary definition of a nerd, dotting his conversations with things right out of Nerd 101. After secretly allying himself with the Athletes, he giddily told the Diary Room, ”It’s like the Evil Galactic Empire of the Athletes and the awesome rebel alliance of the brains are teaming up to make a huge front on the universe!” Star Warsreference: Check! He couldn’t be a more blatant geek if he wore a shirt that said ”DORK” on it. Oh wait, he does that.
As for the Popular kids, they just tried to be gregarious and lovable to all people. Jordan said nobody has ever had anything to fear from her: ”Just because someone wears glasses and may look nerdy, or somebody smells, I try not to be mean or pick on ’em.” So take comfort in that, you stinky four-eyes. Her teammate Casey continued to be the life of the party, though the elementary school teacher did make you fear for your children’s education as he said, ”I’m envious [of Jessie’s HOH room], especially the fact that he didn’t have to do nothing for it!” Yep, I’m sure his principal couldn’t be prouder of that elocution. Oh, wait: maybe he got a little prouder when Casey donned the T-shirt reading, ”Welcome to Jook City.” Does Casey begin all of his classes by handing out glow sticks?
Then there’s Laura, who qualified for the clique not because of her own nonexistent personality, but because her boobs are popular. Although not as popular as she thinks. ”I’ve given everybody the chance to speak to me,” she said, wondering why she doesn’t have many friends in the house. ”It’s not my fault I have huge boobs.” If that seems like a non sequitur, wait until you see her order at a restaurant: ”I’ll have the turkey burger, but what else would I have, what with the big boobs?” Her mentioning her chest is tied with Ronnie’s ”DORK” T-shirt as most redundant thing in the house.
NEXT: Ronnie and Russell: worst masterminds ever