Not only has Natalie won HOH, assuring her a spot in the final three, but she dedicated her victory to Chima? Talk about adding insult to injury. Frankly, it’s going to be pretty hard to write tonight’s recap: how can I speak about any events earlier in the week without being sucked down into despondency because I know where it’s all heading? But soldier on I must; you’ll have to forgive me if every so often I have to cleanse my palate with rage.
Sunday’s episode – wasn’t that a happier time? — began with everyone reacting to Russell’s departure. Hey, Russell, remember how you said Jordan had a big butt? Well, she upped the ante: ”Russell is the biggest butt I’ve ever met in my life,” she said. Take that! She may be 30% big butt, but you are 100%! Jeff, on the other hand, gave him props for ”leaving on a classy note, and I applaud him for that.” This was somewhat at odds with what I caught onBig Brother After Dark on Saturday night. Then, he grumbled that if he ended up in the jury house, Russell better stay away from him. (Incidentally, are there ten sadder words in the English language than ”…I caught on Big Brother After Dark on Saturday night”?)
Back to the in-progress HOH Challenge, where Natalie, Kevin, Jordan, and Michelle ran through chocolate rain to fill up a giant globe with cocoa. It was so slippier…slipperier? Slippityslammier? Falldowngoboomy? Help me out, Jordo! Now, like Jeff, I am a sucker for watching people falling down, so seeing everybody take chocolate headers was far more entertaining to me than any of the memory games they’ve played. Perhaps that’s how we can improve this game: no matter what the challenge, it should be done after spinning around in a circle 30 times. There’s not a game in the world that isn’t improved by watching someone stumble into the hedges.
(And not a game in the world that can’t be ruined by NATALIE WINNING IT MOTHER&%$!@! SON OF A *&%@#!)
Ahem. Where was I? Oh, the HOH challenge was good news/bad news for Jordan. The good news was that when she took one particularly high-velocity header, she did not pop a boob, as Jeff worried she might have. The bad news is, she is not very good at carrying cocoa when it’s slippiastic. Kevin had a solid lead, followed by Michelle, with Natalie trailing alongside Jordan. Natalie claimed that once she saw that Kevin was winning, she began to throw it: ”Why show any of the other houseguests that I’m a strong competitor?” First of all, considering she hasn’t won any competitions, I don’t think there’s any chance of anyone having that revelation. But secondly, at this point in the game, why wouldn’t she want people to realize she has some skills? With her goose-egg record (for now, DAMMIT), if she made it to the final two, people would just see her as a floater who did nothing to deserve her position. Dr. Will didn’t win any challenges, but people knew he was playing a mental game. The only game Natalie has played is candy poker.
NEXT: The great Pandora’s Box cash grab