Poor DJ Mingle Mix. He’d reserved his whole summer to be on Big Brother, and now it’s barely August and he’s out the door. I guess now he’s available to DJ at your party, what with all this newfound free time on his hands before school starts (on the off chance that his school wants an elementary school teacher back who was on national TV ranting and swearing and smoking cigarettes like he was wishing someone would hurry up and invent a way to just shoot cancer right into your veins). But before you book DJMM, you should consider the pros and cons. Pro: The man really works a banana suit, which a good sign that he’d be a goofy entertainer. Sure, he smokes a lot, and you run the risk of his peel catching fire, but that would only kick-start a rousing chant of ”The goof/the goof/the goof is on fire…” and next thing you know, everybody’s got their hands in the air and waving them like they just don’t care, while Casey is dropping and rolling like he just don’t go bowling.
So all of that is good, but let’s look at the cons: The man can get really, really bitter. One too many people bump his turntables and next thing you know, he’s grabbed the mike and is bellowing, ”Hey, Dr. Clumsy, you don’t mess with Mingle Mix’s mixer or I’m gonna eighty-six yer! Holla!” as smoke shoots out of his banana hole. So again, tough call.
But really, doesn’t he have himself to blame for being out on his peel? (One last thing about the banana suit: What kind of crappy wardrobe person just buys the top of a banana suit? That was more like a banana tank top, which is really just a tank top with a pointy hat. If you’re gonna dress someone like a banana, they damn well better have a bottom half.) Alliances don’t last longer than 15 minutes in this house, so what made him think that a plan to eliminate Ronnie would last all week?
Jessie had put Jordan and Michele up, assuring everyone it was just a way to backdoor Ronnie. But then it turned out that Ronnie’s isolation from the house last week turned out to be a ruse to keep his alliances with Russell and Jessie secret. Russell pulled him aside at one point to apologize for being a jerk, but the nonstop teasing and emasculation was necessary to keep their partnership secret. I’ll have to remember that excuse next time I want to humiliate a friend in public. Sorry I had to tell the world you had a small penis and imply that I once saw you making out with a rabbit, but it was the only way to keep our super-special-secret best-friend-4-eva-ship all the more super, special, and secret. Whoops, here comes someone, sorry in advance for this, too: NO, I WON’T FIND YOU A RACCOON TO SPOON WITH, YOU SICKO!
As Jessie, Russell and Ronnie continued scheming, Jeff, Jordan and Casey obliviously relaxed, confident that all was well and Ronnie was assured of going home. Boy, I want to root for them, as I always do with underdogs, but they make it pretty difficult when they’re so abysmal at playing this game. They are constantly surprised when something happens that has been happening since Will Mega left the house. They don’t get this game on a very basic level: I worry about one of them winning HOH, because they’ll never be able to figure out which end of those keys fit in the nomination wheel.
NEXT: Natalie reenacts Fatal Attraction