This week, the Big Brother housemates finally got down to what BBers do best: Screwing around under a blanket, spouting anti-Semitic comments, and fighting amongst themselves. As usual, only one of the trifecta was actually broadcast: The other two were dirty little secrets spotted on the webcast and plastered on YouTube. I guess we should cover those two incidents first, before we get to the third one and the sanitized version of the show.
Late last week videos were posted of Ollie and April having two romps, one in the middle of a brightly lit room, the other in night vision. On last Thursday’s show, Ollie had pronounced that he would never disrespect a woman. So I guess when you’re boinking one on a national TV show, tossing a blanket over her first is the ultimate sign of respect. I’m sure a lot of you saw this video (hey, if we were proud people, we would never be watching this show in the first place), but the cinematography of the brightly lit go-round made me think that BB now has a work share going with the camera crews over at the Playboy Channel. It was all arty, soft-core zooms and pans over April’s bare, flexing foot, which was the only thing poking out from underneath Ollie’s tarp of respect. I kept expecting this scene to cut to a naked April riding a horse and then romping in a hayloft.
I did dig the young lovers’ heart-to-heart, which we saw on the program: Ollie revealed that he was into self-help books, while April proudly said she was into ”journaling,” which completely turned her life around. Jeez, you could introduce a hair dryer to a wind tunnel and the conversation wouldn’t be as vapid as this one. And then came the insufferable exchange about how Ollie doesn’t trust women, which he put in road-sign lingo for those of us who can only understand human emotions in terms of traffic. What was odd is that they were talking about how he doesn’t trust women, and yet they were doing it on the same couch in which they were either just about to get it on or just had. I can only imagine Ollie’s dirty talk: I’m guessing it involves a lot of references to ”going around the rotary” and ”laying down hot asphalt.” I just don’t want to know where he likes to park.
(One last comment about April: Is her hair and skin getting whiter by the day? She’s becoming translucent. I can’t decide if she’s starting to look more like Martin Short’s Jackie Rogers Jr. or Edgar Winter. If she starts to yodel ”Frankenstein,” that’ll clinch it.)
Then there was the annual flash of anti-Semitism. The webcam caught Jessie’s rambling lecture on how L.A. changes people who come there seeking fame, which culminated in his point that gay men and Jews run Hollywood. (Jews also run the banks, he added, for all of you at home playing Jewish Stereotype Bingo.) Hey, Amber: We have a soulmate for you, and good news: He can’t speak English either! (More on that later.) It’s comments like these that are probably the reason that the producers bend over backwards to make him look bad; they did the same thing to Amber. This is not a tsk-tsk, mind you. I for one applaud the producers for it. As a Jew, there is nothing I like better than making a bowl of popcorn, kicking back on the sofa, and watching an anti-Semite be exposed as an utter tool.
NEXT: Jerry’s Marine fighting skills