I’ve given up trying to pin down any of the alliances on ”Big Brother”, considering all the permutations that have gone on this week alone. On Sunday’s show, Jessie and Memphis were against Angie, a Brian crony. Now she’s suddenly in a tight foursome with them and Michelle. Meanwhile, Keesha hated Libra and tried to turn Jessie against her; now she’s in a tight alliance with Libra and April. And when the week began, Jessie wanted to make love to his own abs, and now he wants to get to third base with his delts. Who can keep track of this topsy-turviness?
This season’s truncated Sunday-Tuesday-Wednesday airing schedule makes everything seem especially fluid, since they have to shove seven days of action into a three-day period. I’ve found that the only way to keep track of elapsed time is to watch the ebb and flow of Memphis’ handlebar mustache. For example, on Tuesday night’s show alone, he was clean shaven at the beginning, when cementing his alliance with Jessie, Angie, and Michelle. But by the POV competition, he had a full mustache. But after Michelle won, and it was time for the veto ceremony? It was gone again! I wonder if that thing is fake and he just peels it on and off. Maybe he wears it like Jerry wears his military gear: When it’s off, he’s lying.
(Side Memphis note: I enjoy how, when he’s ID’d, the producers always put ”Mixologist” below his name in quotes. It’s as if they were not quite convinced that it’s an actual profession, so they play it safe by treating it with ironic distance. I know what they mean: I always refer to Big Brother as ”entertainment.”)
Anyway, let’s get back to the drama: Dan and Steven were this week’s nominees, but Jessie always considered Dan a pawn. Dan was determined from the beginning to get in with Jessie; he tried to get Jessie alone by hiding out in his bathroom, a plan that was complicated by Ollie coming up with him after a very long wait. Dan wisely covered for himself by claiming he’d been in the toilet for hours: ”When I get privacy, it takes me a little while.” Is that the best way to impress the man who has your fate in your hands: brag about the damage you’ve just done to his prized bathroom? Perhaps it was a misguided power play: He may not think I’m a threat now, but he will once he suspects I can clog his toilet with just one 45-minute stint on his toilet! Oh, the damage I can do with just one giant burrito and two People magazines!
Speaking of ”threats,” I’d like to address something: Why do people keep citing how muscular players are a ”physical threat,” as if it were a terrifying advantage? That may be true in Survivor, but what kind of advantage does it provide here? Every HOH competition involves answering questions like ”Which houseguest doesn’t especially care for hummus?” All the free weights in the world aren’t going to help you remember that.
NEXT: Cheating and screaming