I gotta be honest: I didn’t think that big Midwestern lug Jeff had it in him. All day long I was thinking how I would cope with my frustration if/when Jeff, not wanting to make waves in the house, decided not to use his coup d’etat power. (Incidentally, my colleague claims listening to Jeff try to pronounce those two French words has been his favorite summer activity). And lo and behold, with an actual coherent — nay, intelligent — speech, Jeff made the right strategic move. ”As I’ve learned from both of you, this is just a game.” Zing! ”I know you’re upset but you guys run the house.” Zap! ”You guys got to feel the pain a little bit. Enjoy.” Kapoweezowee!
By the way, why was everyone so sure (Chima said she was 99.9 percent?) that Jeff had the ”wizard power”? Was it simply because he’s too strategic to erupt at the slightest provocation, like Russell or Chima? Or was everyone just positive that America would never vote for a bore like Michele or the intensely unlikable Jessie and Natalie? Didn’t anyone think Kevin or Lydia could have scored a national sympathy vote? Well, probably not Kevin. At least not with those mismatched plaids that he’s been working this season. Frankly, I’m shocked our country didn’t vote for the loveable Jordan. But perhaps not having the coup d’etat cushion forced the peppy waitress to actually get her game on. When Jessie and Natalie chose to go outside and kiss up, Jordan said ”There’s something scandalous going on and I will figure it out. Eventually.” Knowing her, she’ll get to that epiphany just in time for season 14.
While Jessie and Natalie’s strategy was pathetic, Kevin proved he’s actually playing the game this week. I must say he made quite the intelligent move by not using the power of veto on his ”best friend” Lydia. Even though she was all pissy at him, he correctly surmised that if he used it on her this week, she’d be out in two weeks. Why not lighten the target of an unbreakable duo ever so slightly? Eventually the house would want to split up a team and Kevin saw that. (Quite amazing that he could see anything since my eyes almost spontaneously went blind from that monstrous lavendar and brown fringed scarf he was sporting over a yellow plaid button-down. Okay, I’ll stop mocking his clothes now). Clearly, Lydia saw he was right too, as she smiled her way through Julie Chen’s questions about whether she was still angry.
But back to the best moment in Big Brother 11 thus far. Before my night of celebration would continue, the idiotic houseguests decided to vote out Jessie. Yes, any contestant who chooses to wear a T-shirt with a picture of himself accompanied by the words ”The man the myth the legend” deserves to be shamed in front of millions of Americans, but I had a soft spot for the guy. Well, maybe not so much of a soft spot as a mocking apathy as opposed to a genuine hatred for Natalie. I wouldn’t say she was the brains of the operation, because no one with true intelligence would have packed that yellow bikini, but she definitely had more power to sway votes in the house. How could Kevin and Jordan not realize that? Even Russell knew Jessie was a safer house guest to keep than Natalie. Speaking of which, how could anyone vote against watching the inevitable Jessie vs. Russell showdown? What started in the bedroom earlier in the episode with an awkward Michele sheepishly trying to evacuate could have escalated into one-armed push up contests and, if we were really lucky, a neck girth measuring contest. (No doubt Lydia, who shouldn’t care about either of these himbos but seems to have a weakness for guys who looks like they would have tortured her in high school, would be first in line with a tape measurer).
NEXT: The wrath of Chima
Okay, so Natalie and her mane (is it against tae kwon do rules to get a hair trim?) stayed which means the hinted?at Caligula alliance might have gotten a bit stronger. They’ve got Chima, Natalie, and probably new Head of Household Michele, who seems like she’d be swayed by a lab rat that paid any attention to her. Which means that some combination of Lydia, Kevin, Russell, Jordan, and Jeff will be on the block come Sunday.
Judging from Chima’s sway with her army of women (is she hypnotizing them with her copious amounts of lipgloss?), my guess is she’ll go after Jeff for daring to use the coup d’etat that any halfway decent player would have used. Really, Chima? You’re going to go on a game and then get mad at people for playing the game? Acting like the sorest of losers after the eviction, she wouldn’t even tolerate the sound of Jeff’s voice, instead choosing to show insincere concern for a weepy Lydia. My favorite moment was when Chima tried to bust Jeff for having exposed his power (and how exactly did he expose it?) by saying ”Looks like me and the producers need to have a little talk.” Yes, I’m sure the Big Brother producers were quaking in their comfortable control rooms. If Chima’s threat is true, we’ll be seeing her go ”wild animal style” on Jeff this week. That is, if she doesn’t recommit herself to ”dancing on [Russell’s] grave.” Poor Chima’s grandmother. I have a feeling someone is not going to be representing the family all too favorably this week.
My guess — and I’m no Big Brother expert like Ronnie — is that Michele will put up Jeff and Jordan, claiming she has to break up their alliance, and then try to backdoor Russell. Kevin bought himself another week by not vetoing Chima’s nominations and Lydia might be a powerful ally due to her double x chromosomes. Of course, the real threat then lies with Russell winning the power of veto and then one of our non-lovebirds (Jeff, most likely) will have to fly the coop. It’s funny. They’re not overly endearing, intelligent, or even particularly wonderful to look at, but for some reason I’ve come to really like Jordan and Jeff together and I’d be genuinely sad to see one of them go home.
Who do you want to see evicted this week? Did Jessie have a shot of winning anyway? Will the women take over the house? And did Julie Chen look unnervingly like a knocked-up Minnie Mouse? Tell me your thoughts. And before you send in your rants about this week’s recap, just know that Josh ”The man the myth the legend” Wolk will be back next week.