Because we TV junkies are all warped individuals, it doesn’t take long for us to begin looking at reality show contestants as family. Especially when it comes to Big Brother. I may see my parents once a week, but I spend three days a week catching up with my Big Brother family. And I don’t even have to bother showering before I see them! So it’s sad, in a way, to watch my Big Brother brothers and sisters fight. Whereas before, the house generally lived in harmony, with the exception of one blow-up or two that was remedied over a nice slop dinner, last night, we watched the family explode as soon as its big patriarch walked out the door.
When you think about it, the final seven contestants in the house were like a family: You had Big Jeff, the level-headed dad who’s still behind the times enough to hold a grudge against gay wizards. You have Kalia, the emotional — sometimes to the point of irrational — mom who enjoys nights with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and Mr. Big. You have Shelly, the kooky aunt who will tell you how much she loves your cooking to your face, but then goes to run to the other side of the family to talk about how much that cooking just has to go. You have Rachel, the angst-y teenage daughter who just doesn’t understand why you want to keep her apart from her man, and if you keep doing it, she’ll sneak into your house, muffle you with a furry boot, and make you pay, oh my god sequins HAHAHA! You have Porsche, the younger, quieter daughter so above it all, she has no choice but to just roll her eyes and go to get her oil changed. You have Jordan, the pet kitten who just looks so adorable trying to catch butterflies between her paws. And you have Adam, the pet puppy who does absolutely nothing except beg for bacon.
NEXT: Family Feud