Welcome to Big Brother: The Deep South. Oh, I’m sorry. I think the proper name is Big Brother: Over the Top, a special season that’s only available to those willing to cough up money for CBS All Access. Essentially, this is a season for the feeders — which means we need to get something out of the way right now. Full disclosure: I’m not a feeder. I do follow along on boards and Twitter and during regular seasons I watch After Dark most nights, so please don’t write me off. This is already shaping up to be an interesting season that we’re going to need to discuss together! Starting with the houseguests…
Whitney, 21, is a medical assistant from Eastern Kentucky. She is one of 100 Southerners that CBS cast for this season. (Seriously, these accents are killing me.) She calls herself the female Donnie, which is a BOLD statement.
Shane, 24, is a roofer from North Carolina — he’s hoping to win people over with his long, luscious hair. And it seems to be working.
Neeley, 33, is from Fort Worth, Texas. She’s one of the oldest members in the house, but hopes to sneak by as one of the young’uns. She’s hoping to win this money for her mom to help pay for her father’s medical costs. Aww.
Cornbread, 41 is from Georgia and his name is Cornbread. I repeat, his name is Cornbread. If you didn’t think he could get more Southern, he can. Like his approach to the game: “Treat it like eating an elephant, one piece at a time.”
Justin, 27, is a cartoon character come to life. I just can’t figure out which one yet. He’s from New Orleans and owns a restaurant, so the houseguests should be well fed.
Monte, 25, says his type of women is “good assets.” So that’s great. He also likes to hunt, fish, and blow stuff up — but he’s smart, too — at least that’s what he claims.
Alex, 25, loves Pokemon Go. (Which makes me wonder: Do you think the BB18 houseguests have learned about Pokemon Go yet?) She’s a gamer, but she’s also athletic. She also has a sister named Morgan, who just so happens…
Morgan, 22, is here, too. Yes, sisters again. Except they both get to be in the house, and they’re choosing not to tell anyone yet. Morgan says she’s more cutthroat and doesn’t want to work with her sister because she likes “weird stuff.”
Shelby, 24, wants you to know she’s really pretty. She’s also smart and in law school, but most of all she’s pretty. But she doesn’t want to brag.
Kryssie, 31, is a waitress by day and a “rock star” by night. But you might recognize her from her YouTube video showcasing her hatred of spaghetti and restaurant customers.
Danielle, 23, is a single mom and preschool teacher. She has a weird intro package about flag football that confuses me, but she reminds me a lot of Kylie Bunbury and Pitch is great (watch it if you haven’t!), so I like her right away.
Scott, 24, uses his very first opportunity of introducing himself to tell us he’s a virgin. He doesn’t plan to change that in the Big Brother house … probably. He’s also a superfan, in the vein of Steve or even Jason. Speaking of …
After all the houseguests enter the house, our voted-in-pick Jason enters the house. “I am back, bitches. The queen is here.” He wastes no time in kicking off this game. He immediately starts getting Liz and Julia vibes and talking about the blond girls who look a lot alike with other houseguests. But their secret is safe… for now.
NEXT: And then there were 12[pagebreak]
The first week is lots of getting to know you chats — some of the really getting to know you kind. Danielle and Shane With the Long Hair hit it off; naturally, the two most beautiful people “gravitate toward each other,” as Danielle says.
While they’re doing that, the first HOH “competition” kicks off. I don’t know if the producers were trying to save money or thought this sorta drawn-out “game” would be more interesting live, but either way: It was bad.
After Shane drank from the “only one may drink” bottle, he had to “infect” the other houseguests by putting a crab necklace on them. The last one standing gets HOH. This crab comp made ME crabby.
Monte decided he would be first HOH, and the stars aligned, so he became our first. Sigh. Jason knows he’s going to be a target, but “no way Jozea” is he going to get kicked out this early. He cozies up to Monte and gives him very sage BB advice: “You don’t fight the twist, you weaponize the twist.” Which is a fancy way of saying “Don’t pick me.”
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. Our not-as-present host Julie Chen explains that the HOH will have to make a set number of houseguests safe two times during his or her reign. The last two standing are put on the block. Monte makes everyone safe except the non-weaponized Jason and Danielle, who he tells Shane is just a pawn.
Problem is he didn’t tell Danielle that. She gets pretty emotional, but is all too quickly calmed down by Shane and Monte. “Do not be manipulated by them!” I scream at my screen. But she believes them when they say their target is Jason.
But just when the remaining houseguests think all is calm, Julie introduces another twist: America gets a vote and, y’all, we voted Cornbread. Based on the feeds and clips I’ve watched in addition to this episode, I don’t really see why, but I’ve see on the boards that people dislike him.
If you were hoping for an exciting veto comp to make up for that lackluster HOH game starter, well… me, too. Instead, we get the six players (Monte, Cornbread, Danielle, Jason, Whitney, and Alex) running inside the house, looking around, and then punching numbers into a keypad. Jason gets the right number combination first, and Monte melts. “This is worst case scenario,” he says through clenched teeth. Moments like these are why I watch Big Brother.
Shane asks Monte to pick someone who can’t possibly stay over Danielle because he isn’t ready to lose “his girl.” It’s been A WEEK, let’s all calm down. Monte ends up putting up Kryssie, who he says is emotionally unstable and I don’t have information to the contrary on this.
Julie’s back for one more twist: America gets to vote on whom we want to go home (do you think CBS is trying to drive home the importance of **voting** or what?). America’s collective votes count as one in the house. Julie informs the houseguests that they won’t be told who we voted for — and apparently we won’t know who voted for whom either? During the live episode, the cameras stay in the living room while the houseguests go to vote. (If I’m somehow watching this “episode” wrong, someone please advise. Thanks.)
This week, though, it’s not hard to figure out whose votes went where. In a 9-1 vote, Cornbread is evicted. He walks out of the house without hugging anyone. So much for “I’ve got everybody’s back,” am I right?
Until then, tell me what you think! Is this season “over the top” enough for you? Who are your favorites? Who do you hate? And why do you think the houseguests weren’t told who won BB18?? I bet it’s killing them. Comment below or find me on Twitter @realdalener.