Am I the only one who’s sad to see Brendon leave the Big Brother house? True, the guy is a lout, a sap, a princely douche rocket who approaches all non-Rachel humans with dismissive disinterest; true, he’s basically Val Kilmer from Top Gun, except without the gay subtext. But there is something insanely addictive about the particular way in which Brendon and Rachel play Big Brother. Most successful players are good at challenges, but they also play a decent social game — sometimes by coasting along on pure charm (like Jeff and Jordan), sometimes by coasting along on a boat constructed entirely out of lies (Evel Dick). But Brendon and Rachel have horrible social game. In both of their seasons on the show, they have played according to the same insane Hail-Mary game plan: The expectation that one of them would always win the HoH challenge, or barring that, the veto challenge.
The plan actually worked for them surprisingly often, too. But the problem with a Hail-Mary game plan is that it only has to fail once. So, at the start of last night’s episode, Brendon was sitting on the block next to Jordan, who is so gosh darn lovable that she refused an offer to join the Care Bears because she was worried that the Care Bear Stare might hurt someone’s eyes. There was some talk about trying to win voters over to Brendon’s side. Brendon knew he had Rachel and Porsche. While that triumvirate was holding a meeting, Shelly leisurely strolled over and was all like, “Hey gang, whatcha plotting about?” (You’ll remember that she tried the same thing on Daniele and Kalia in Wednesday’s episode. I love how Shelly has managed to play for all sides of the house so far, and I’ll be intrigued to see how much further this strategy takes her.)
Brendon explained to Shelly that he wanted her vote. Shelly nodded, “Yes, yes, of course, I won’t backstab you,” clearly sharpening her knives in preparation for a good old-fashioned backstabbing. Then Brendon tried to convince Adam to join up with Brenchel. Brendon’s method of convincing Adam sounded a little bit like this:
BRENDON [putting on brass knuckles] “Now, y’see, Elf-Boy, we want you to be our friend. We’re nice people. And if you don’t want to be our friend, then me and my fiancée here is going to stuff a set of jingle bells where the sun don’t shine. I’m a Ph.D. student, see?”
Adam did not seem particularly charmed. So that’s one voter chased away. Rachel descended into a depressive funk, modeling her tragedy sunglasses and staring blankly into the cloudless sky. Porsche, who I’m happy to admit appears to have achieved something like sentient thought, tried to set her straight. “You have to stop with the sad thing,” she said. “It’s making people uncomfortable.”
NEXT: She’s mad, mad, she tells you!