The Regulators is one of my favorite Stephen King novels, but the Regulators turned out to be a terrible alliance. I figured the cross-couple merger of Dominic, Cassi, Lawon, and Keith had a clear path to success. They even had a nice four-quadrant Big Brother team, with a Brain, a Hottie, a Goofball (who might be a stealth genius — people, he was wearing a freaking Two-Face suit), and a genial Loudmouth. Unfortunately, Keith’s geniality quickly shaded into something extremely close to psychosis. As the first week in the Big Brother house came to an end, he had turned himself into the most hated houseguest. Remember, this is the same house inhabited by Brendon and Rachel.
Although, as last night showed, we are looking at a kinder, gentler Brenchal. The Veteran Squad knew that they had to win some of the newbies over. Winning people over comes naturally to Jeff and Jordan, but it was more impressive to see Rachel go on the Charm Offensive: pouring out some red wine, engaging the fellow houseguests in a rousing game of Big Booty, and having an old-fashioned Hammock Hang. And look, over there, Brendon is playing Beanbags with fellow human beings, and not getting into any fights! Yes, it’s a new Brenchal, a more lovable Brenchal, a Brenchal for the future…
Whoops! Rachel offended Brendon’s honor when she told her Hammock-mates her nickname for her future hubby: “Bookie,” rhymes with Snooki. Naturally, everyone started calling him Bookie because alcohol is a hell of a drug. Brendon reacted rather badly. “Rachel’s not a Vegas party girl anymore,” he reminded us, “she’s practically my wife.” Up in the HoH room, he chastised her about telling just any ol’ Tom, Dick, or Lawon about “the endearing terms that we have for each other.” Rachel slept on the couch, clearly trying to figure out how she wound up in a bedroom with a manic depressive who bares a faint resemblance to Dean Cain. The next day, the couple reiterated their love for each other. But Brendon reminded his wife-to-be that he has a career to think of. “I am trying to get into the medical profession, and be a medical professional! Don’t inadvertently demasculinate me.” They made out; it was disgusting; they are insane.
Meanwhile, the specific methods by which the Expendables and the Regulators tried to score newbie votes spoke volumes about the overall gameplay level in the house. By which I mean: Wow, the Veterans will have it easy this year. Brendon strolled over to Shelly and asked if she wanted to play with the cool kids, and Shelly (a BB fan) said, “Why, sure!” Jeff tried to charm Adam by asking him to name the Veteran Squad. Adam came up with the name “Adam’s Angels,” which random, since clearly the name he meant to say was “The Peach Pitters” or “The West Beverly All-Star Team” or “9021-Whoa!” or “This Is My Only Character Trait and I Am Milking It.”
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