Am I the only one who’s sad to see Brendon leave the Big Brother house? True, the guy is a lout, a sap, a princely douche rocket who approaches all non-Rachel humans with dismissive disinterest; true, he’s basically Val Kilmer from Top Gun, except without the gay subtext…
…Wait a second. This all seems familiar, doesn’t it? Didn’t we read this two weeks ago? Didn’t we see Thursday night’s Big Brother two weeks ago? It’s almost as if the God of Big Brother (all hail Technotronic!) took that episode, sent it through a confusing space-time continuum, and presented us with a bizarro version Thursday night. Brendon was evicted over a blond Southern woman; but this time around, it was Shelly not Jordan. Brendon was forced to leave his fiancée’s side; but this time around, Rachel was smiling not sobbing like Wal-Mart had just run out of mahogany hair dye. Daniele once again was the Head of Household calling the shots; but this time around, she did it wearing bright pink lipstick. And an EW staffer again provided you with a recap of the episode; but this time around, it wasn’t Darren Franich, but the manila Kate Ward, who is far too lazy to come up with her own introduction.
So, yes, we all experienced a healthy portion of déjà vu watching Thursday’s episode. Once and for all, Daniele managed to defeat the contestant she calls a zombie. And she had no problem doing so: In a landslide 5-1 vote, Brendon was sent out of the house to go eat enough brains to finally get him that Ph.D. And yet, Rachel seemed…okay. Maybe it’s because Brendon proved his love by ruining his medical career when her called her “Pookie.” Or, more likely, maybe it’s because his eviction was so inevitable, the pair had plenty of time to prepare for the loss. After all, they didn’t do much to convince other houseguests to vote in their favor. They even fought with their two biggest allies: Jeff and Jordon. After the latter pair told Brenchel they would be voting with the house — whichever way it skewed — Rachel, icy as a frozen tundra, once and for all guaranteed Brendon’s eviction by pulling the ol’ I’m-not-mad-at-you-what-are-you-talking-about-I’m-not-disemboweling-you-with-my-eyes-HAHAHA game. Said Rachel later in the diary room, “When did Jeff and Jordan become such sheep?” Aw, since forever, Rachel — they’re so fuzzy!
NEXT: Brendon says “Badbye.”