Might as well face it: Season 13 of Big Brother should be called Big Brother: All-Stars. Not only because our veterans are in the process of whittling down our newbies one by one, but, like all all-star editions of reality shows, season 13 is proving to be more boring than a chapter of Finnegan’s Wake read by Julie Chen. I know it’s only week two, but if the Eight Minute Abs has proven anything, it’s that we are an impatient people: Where are the drag-out verbal matches? Where are the under-the-covers black light make-out sessions? (Actually, on second thought, I don’t really care to see Brenchal in HD.) And, most importantly, where is the scheming?
Typically, one of the best parts of the early weeks of Big Brother is watching confident players’ heads spin. How can they overthrow the player who claims to be the house genius? How can they overtake the majority? How can they fit their genitalia into skin-tight costumes supplied for competitions by CBS? But the most exciting thing about Sunday night’s Big Brother was that Porsche was the first person on television in 15 years to say, “NOT!”
Rather than watch the newbies regroup and formulate a plan for survival, we were forced to witness the remaining seven new players crawl into the veterans’ room and beg to be accepted by the cool kids. “Pick me. Choose me. Love me,” they all asked. Not that I don’t understand their actions. With Shelly and Kalia seemingly on the vets’ side, everyone should be scrambling to play along with the folks with the numbers, especially when four veteran alliance members are tighter than Porsche’s shirt. But I can’t help be disappointed that no one — except, haphazardly, Dominic — tried to sway the fifth member, Daniele, a player who is at the bottom of the veteran totem pole.
NEXT: Adam makes a questionable choice